So here I sit, on my lunch break at work, with my new pointy black flats off and my heels covered in bloody blisters. What happened, you ask? Well, only the same thing that happens to all of us the first time we buy a pair of new heels or flats... after a quick 5 minutes of wearing them, they dig into our feet and rip the skin right off the back of our heels, leaving us with a mess of peeled off skin and blood stains on the back of the shoes. Yeah, it's as horrific as it sounds.
Thinking about this horrible predicament that all girls face led me to think about more fashion struggles that we all have to deal with on a daily basis. There are SO many things we have to tweak and handle with care in order to make sure we can still look good without being in constant pain.
1. Disproportionate jeans
I cannot be the only one who buys jeans hoping they will actually fit everything and end up disappointed every time. How is it that all my jeans either have a habit of fitting my waist but being far too tight on my legs, or fitting my legs perfectly but sinking down my waist whenever I walk? This is a problem, people. There has to be at least one company out there that makes jeans for all shapes and sizes, and for those of you who know what it is, please share the secret with the rest of the girl world.
2. Ripped jeans
I have such a love/hate relationship with these things. They are so cute and fun to match with different shirts and look so good cuffed. But, as many girls know, your ripped jeans get awful annoying and painful by the end of the day. You'll try to cross your legs and the rips dig into your skin and cut off all the circulation to your legs. You'll try to bend your legs even a little and it's like the jeans instantly become 5 sizes too small. WHY IS THIS A THING?
3. Jean sizing
OKAY SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS UP WITH THIS? At every store I go to in hopes of finding a good pair of jeans, I'm a different size. Seriously. At one place, I'm a size 6. At another place, I'm a size 4. At another place, I'm a 7. What is going on with all this different sizing?? Please stop it! I don't need vanity sizing or for you to deceive me and tell me I'm slimmer than I am. Just tell me my actual jean size so I can move on with my life, instead of having to try on every single pair of jeans I like just to make sure they're my actual size. Ugh.
Okay, *deep breath* moving away from jeans. "But Deborah, what about leggings?" Do not get me wrong here, I love leggings just as much as (and probably even more than) the next girl. However, there are some pairs of leggings that have one fatal flaw I just can't seem to get around - they show a little TOO much. I'm totally cool with wearing leggings that fit everything and accentuate curves and all that, but after you wear a pair of leggings for a while and wash them regularly, those babies start to wear awful thin and... well, you guys catch my drift.
*Cue Tina from Bob's Burgers sigh* This one makes my brain hurt. Going to the pool or tanning over the summer is a huge thing, so obviously there are many swimsuit options out there. AND YET they cannot seem to make one that doesn't give you super weird tan lines, doesn't shift around or ride up, covers all the necessary stuff, and still looks cute. I'm telling you, guys have it so easy with the, like, two options that make both swimming and tanning a breeze.
I really don't think I need to go into a whole lot of detail on this one. These things are so uncomfortable and itchy and the straps fall down all the time and they make your chest feel like it's going to explode so you absolutely have to take it off whenever you get back home and figuring out your sizing on these things is a WHOLE other story and... yeah, you guys get it.
7. Long-sleeve shirts
Okay, I'm actually a huge fan of long sleeve shirts (especially henleys). My issue comes in when it's time to roll up those sleeves. You know some days, it'll start out chilly so you wear a long sleeve shirt and then 4 hours later when you walk outside, it's back to being so hot it could melt your face off. So obviously, it's time to roll those sleeves up... but how exactly? Do you just scrunch them up? Well, that never works, because they inevitably fall back down your arm. Do you roll them and hook them in place with those built-in straps that hold them up? Well, that never works either, because they unroll and are left stuck in the straps and then it just looks weird. Somebody legit needs to figure out the answer to this problem and tell me.
8. Pencil skirts
Pencil skirts are my absolute favorite form of work attire because they look professional and classy while making you look GOOD. However, they are also extremely hard to manage, because, like everything else for some awful reason, they ride up. Pencil skirts are only classy if they're not halfway up your thigh every time you walk around, and I cannot seem to find one that just stays in place and does its job. I'm not the only one who's noticed this, right?
Hats make me feel so conflicted about my life choices these days. I'll wake up and put on an outfit and think to myself, "Man, that dad hat I have would match perfectly with this outfit". So I'll put it on and then it just doesn't look right. Or I'll be in the store and walking past a section of floppy hats and think, "I could totally wear that". And then I'll put it on and I look like a mushroom. What is the deal with hats? How do you wear them and make them look good? Send help.
10. THOSE. STUPID. SHOES.
FINALLY we get to the inspiration for this article. These awful shoes are the bane of my existence, because there is absolutely no way to break them in without experiencing some kind of pain. I've heard of so many ways to prevent yourself from getting blisters, like wearing huge socks in your shoes before wearing them in public or putting pieces of moleskin at the back of the heel or wearing bandaids on your weak spots just in case. So why do none of these work for me? Actually, you know what, I'll do you one better. WHY ARE THEY NECESSARY? Why can't stylish shoes just be comfortable? Why do they have to make your feet feel like they're caged in a prison where spikes jab at them every time they move?
I'm telling you guys, the world of women's fashion needs reform. Beauty does NOT have to be pain. Stand with me and together, we can make heels great again.