A Farewell To Orthodontia
Start writing a post

My dad hates dentists. He has these horrifying stories from his childhood that feature pliers, pain, and no novocaine. Maybe it is for this reason that it took my parents six years to actually take me to the dentist.

The first time, needless to say, I was horrified. The appointment consisted of tears, terror, x-rays, two cavities, and words that I will never unhear: "Mr. Thomson, your daughter needs braces."

That sentence was repeated twice a year for the next six years, at which time my mother finally took the referral and forced me to go see an orthodontist.

The orthodontist had even worse news than the dentist: "Young lady, you need braces...maybe even headgear."

I did not want metal in my mouth.

Definitely not headgear.

Never. I was an actress. Nope. Nope. Nopity-noooope.

So I did what any rational human would do.

I cried.

A lot.

Because of some complications between my mother and the orthodontic administration (okay, and because I wouldn't stop crying oh my god I was so dramatic,) I didn't get braces that year.

Three years later I had two teeth pulled. We all thought they were just stubborn baby teeth, but in reality they were fused to my jaw. Cue: the worst few hours I could have imagined.

My father was right, people shouldn't poke around in other people's mouths.

When all of my adult teeth were firmly in my mouth (about nine months later,) I had rubber donuts, known as spacers, squeezed between my teeth to make room for orthodontic anchors. They felt like dirt and I hated them.

On Halloween, I was fitted with a mouth full of metal.

That's right, Halloween, guess who was an unhappy Trick-or-Treater. Answer? Me.

I was lucky enough to get ceramic brackets, so they weren't terribly obvious, but nevertheless I felt like I had played spin the bottle with a Transformer.

I gave up taffy, caramel, whole apples, celery, bagels, uncooked carrots, gum, and popcorn (sort of).

I started going through a new toothbrush every month.

I learned to carry toothpaste in my back pocket, and that if there's a question of whether there spinach is in your teeth, there most definitely is.

I grew well acquainted with my orthodontist's nose hair, which he desperately needs to trim.

I heard "we'll have them off soon," regularly for a year and a half.

But finally, finally, after three and a half years, my mouth is metal-free and straight.

I can finally floss without having to thread between every bracket.

And I never need to have that god-awful putty in my mouth ever again.

So, I'm going to do what any rational adult would do.

I am going to cry.

Bring on the Laffy Taffy.



Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

TikTok Made Me Buy It: Flawless's Skincare Fridge

I bought and tested one of TikTok's popular products so you don't have to.

61634

I spend a lot of time on TikTok and I never know whether the products I see are worth it or not, especially when I'm looking at the price. For Christmas, my aunt got me a gift card to Ulta. I didn't know what to buy. I have way too many palettes and lipsticks. I have my essentials. What else could I need? Then it hit me that I saw a lot of people these past few months showing off their skincare fridges. So, the second I thought of it I went on the Ulta app and bought it. So, here are my thoughts.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

37 Cute And Unique Pinterest Board Titles

Let's be real, the hardest part about Pinterest is thinking of a cute title for your board.

31653

I don't know about anyone else but I have recently become re-obsessed with Pinterest. Like, I am spending a stupid amount of time on Pinterest daily now. While I have been binging Pinterest I have found that I love making cute and aesthetic boards but it is SO hard to come up with a name to match it. So, I scoured the internet and my brain for you. Happy pinning!

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

This Is What Type Of Person You Are Based On Your Favorite Cereal

Your cereal preference reveals more than you think.

19516
Photo by Nyana Stoica on Unsplash

Whether you eat cereal for breakfast or a late-night snack, you probably have a favorite. Little did you know that what you prefer says a lot about your personality.

Keep Reading... Show less
Alexis Hoffman

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we all know that cutting out social interaction has taken its toll.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Asked Instagram How 2020 Was, And Maybe It Wasn't The Worst Year Ever

2020 is a year to remember but it's not as bad as we made it out to be.

47823

It's finally 2021 and we're honestly all just happy that 2020 is over. I decided to ask my Instagram followers how they felt about 2020 and the results were a little more mixed up than expected.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ever since I watched "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days," I've been a major Matthew McConaughey fan. I've seen most of his movies, and I definitely got way too excited when he finally made an Instagram! So when he announced he would be releasing a memoir titled "Greenlights," I knew I absolutely had to get my hands on this book. And so did the rest of the world, as the book began to flood social media.

Truthfully, I would much rather read a fiction book and dive into another world than read a nonfiction book - even if it is one of my favorite celebrities. But I had a feeling this book wouldn't disappoint or bore.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

The Armie Hammer Scandal Discourse Is Kink Shaming And Harming Actual Victims

The rumors surrounding Armie Hammer has resulted in some very toxic and harmful discourse.

16696

Sex is something that occupies a very significant place in our lives. Even asexual people can have an active sex life. With the various types of people that comprise this world, it obviously results in various sexual interests. And unconventional people can engage in some pretty unconventional sex practices. Even the most conventional people on the surface might surprise us with their sexual fantasies.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments