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Farewell Freshman Year

I was stuck in this ideal I thought I had to be.

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Farewell Freshman Year

It's been a year of learning. If anyone dares tell you that college is easy they're lying, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. I've learned so much this year and met so many amazing people that I never would have if it weren't for this school. I haven't had the easiest first year with all of the ups and downs, but this year helped show me who I am and what I want in life. I feel like a lot of people go into college feeling lost or overwhelmed, and even some feel like they know exactly what they want. I think my experience was a little bit of both. For a long time I was stuck on this ideal of what I had to be in order to be successful and happy. I went through life cloaked in an identity that wasn't my own. I had lost sight of who I was. I tried to be the ideal that everyone wanted me to be; I talked the right way and said the right things, but I wasn't happy. Being thrown into a completely foreign world with no one but myself to rely on made me realize this. It was just me, I couldn't depend on my parents to remind me to do things. Suddenly I had this immense responsibility on my shoulders with no clue what to do, and I fell hard. I hit a low that I had never hit before. I had no safety net and suddenly I had to confront all of the things I had been avoiding for so long, and let me tell you that it did not go well. But I picked myself back up. I had to hit rock bottom for me to see just how unhappy I was and that who I was trying to be was causing this. Facing this reality was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was worth it. Soon enough the ideal that I thought I was supposed to be began to fade away. I looked in the mirror and knew that something had to change, and so it did. I began slowly picking away at this ideal self that I had built myself into. I started to see myself for who I was, realize what I wanted and what I was passionate about. I started to see the world differently. I was happy, really and truly happy. I no longer felt like I was trapped in a body and a life that wasn't my own, I felt free. I feel free.

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