Every family has secrets or things that are not discussed. There are things that families try and hide from others within the family, not to be secretive, but to be protective. There are 5 ways that I have learned to deal with something my family told me two years ago that altered my life drastically. It's something that I am still dealing with, but I am becoming more acclimated with it.
If you have or are experiencing something that your family has told you that will or did change your life, hopefully, these 5 tips can help you find your peace.
1. All Emotions Matter
You will experience many emotions. Once I found out that my father was not present in my life due to drugs, I felt MANY emotions. I was upset, sad, confused, misguided, hurt and lost. I thought for the majority of my life that he wasn't present because he didn't want to be, but he couldn't be. You have to assess your emotions. It is okay to feel how you feel and no one can take that away from you. B
e sure in how you feel, that will help you in the later steps.
2. Take Some Time For Yourself
You must take time for yourself. You have to take the time to relax and be alone. You cannot process things until you have the time to do it and being alone will force you to assess your life and what just happened to alter your life. By doing this step, you will help yourself become stronger. It will not seem like it at first, but you will become stronger than you ever have been.
3. Be Understanding.
This may not apply for every situation, but for mine I had to learn to be understanding and empathetic. I was so angry that my father did not want to be a part of my life, but that wasn't the case. My father couldn't be a part of my life. Addictions with drugs and alcohol is a sickness. Addiction takes time for someone to heal from. I did not think about it that way until I realized that addiction is a sickness and some people take control of their addictions, whereas other people do not.
It is not the easiest thing to do, especially when you are feeling the way you are feeling, but it is something that helped me grow as a person, woman and daughter.
Now, this step applies to all situations. To be free from all the misery and pain, you have to forgive the person who hurt you. You are not forgiving them for them, you are forgiving them for you. Letting go of all the pain will be relieving and hard because you want to stay mad at this person, but that will solve nothing.
Be the best person you can be by forgiving. I forgave my father a long time ago, I am just not ready to speak with him just yet. Once forgiving him, I felt free, rejuvenated, and excited to embrace a new, fresh view on life.
5. Trust The Process
I cannot believe that I made it through what I made it through. It may seem minor to some, but it was a lot for me. I had to trust that things would get better and that I would come out of the nasty swamp of misery I was in. By trusting the process, I learned a lot and grew a lot. Everything takes time. Time heals all. Trust the process, whether it takes two months or two years, trust it.
These five tips can help you become a better person and for you to build yourself back up to be in a space that you would need to be in.