My grandfather passed away just the other night. This is the first major loss I have ever had to deal with; for which I feel quite grateful, as I am 22 years old experiencing my first family death. It was expected, as he was in a nursing home for quite some time alongside my grandmother-his life partner of over 60 years.
Their love was always so admirable. No matter what was happening in the world at that moment, no matter how chaotic my life may have been at that time, I could always visit my grandparents and their love would remain consistent. Of course, with my grandmother blaming my grandfather for everything and he took it in stride, and a joke. It was such a strong and important love, and I will always try to find one such as theirs.
My grandfather was the best man I have ever met. A gentleman to his core, which would shine through in his actions and words daily. He was always good for a silly joke (which I always laughed at to this day, no matter how corny). He raised all five of his children to have strong morals, values, and love. To say the least, living in this family with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins have been a blast.
Holidays were always such a great experience. My grandparents’ house was full of children, laughter, and of course, my grandmother’s spaghetti and meatballs for every holiday.
Growing up with such a wonderful family environment, I now feel as if I took it for granted. It was not always perfect and fun on holidays. Family is not always easy, and it just so happened to be my mother who made it so difficult to gather with my family. I love my mother dearly, and it is because of her personal problems that we (my siblings, parents, and I) began to only see my mother’s family on holidays, rather than whenever there was a football game, or for first communions, etc.
We would see them for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. I missed a lot of fun experiences with my cousins by my teenage years. But I learned to foster my own connections with my siblings. Our bond grew very strong through the tough years of adolescence.
I don't blame my mother. She has her own reasons for feeling the way she does. Every family has secrets and issues to work through. As a "grown-up" (if you can call it that), I feel responsible for fostering my relationship back with my mother's family.
Since my grandparents were put in an assisted-living facility, I have seen my mother’s family more than I have in the past eight years. I was expecting to feel bitter and upset, attempting to make up for lost time. However, I feel so much love.
Originally, it was feeling of resent, and so many questions as to why they never reached out, why we weren’t invited, etc. Now that I am an adult, I speak to my aunts and uncles in different perspectives. I have learned how much they have tried, and how much they continue to care about me and my siblings.
This is not a time for resentful feelings. This is a time for my family to put problems to the side and focus on what really matters; my Grandfather.
When the news spread about my PopPop passing, I experienced so many wonderful people reaching out to send love, prayers, good vibes, and condolences. The most meaningful condolences I received was from my aunts and uncles when they saw me and gave me the most powerful hugs.
Hugs that are the memories we all share about PopPop. Hugs that are about forgetting the bitter past, and coming together to celebrate the life of a wonderful man we all loved so much. A civil man with an influential past.
Family can be difficult to maintain. family should be the strongest connection you have with people.
Family has the power to separate but knows when the important times to come together are.
Yes, families should come together for the small victories of life (baptisms, Superbowl victories and whatnot). I come together with my family when we need to love each other the most; and that’s okay.
