My past two articles were each about the experiences that I have had with dealing with my mental health issues internally. Something that I feel is important to note, however, is that mental health is not something that affects only one's own mind, but also has an effect on the outer world, and most specifically on the people in your life who care about you.
There are a ton of things about living with any type of mental health issue that no one will tell you. One of the most important parts of learning about living with them is the people around you also learning how to live with them.
For me, learning that I have depression and anxiety was both a huge relief and a huge punch in the stomach, because I had thought that I was living a perfectly ordinary experience and my own conceptions and understandings of the world were normal. I was wrong.
That was scary.
Perhaps what was most scary aspect of navigating this new aspect of my life was talking about these things to my friends and family. I was afraid that they would somehow be angry or disappointed in me for having developed these issues, or think that I had been hiding my problems from them. There was the fear that my family would think it was somehow their fault, that it was on their shoulders that I was not happier, or less worried, or whatever else.
Worst of all was the fear that they would flat out reject my mental illness, would refuse to believe me or support me as I attempted to navigate this new understanding of my life. A rejection of my mental illness, in my mind, would be a rejection of me as a whole, because, as I stated in previous articles, I had been living with these mental illnesses for years and they really were a huge part of me a person. If they rejected my illness, they reject me, right?
I, of course, have no good reason to think they would refuse to believe or support me. I have a very loving and empathetic family. They've supported me thus far; why would they stop now?
The fear remained. Of course it did. I have anxiety, remember?
No one told me it would be this scary.
I did not know that my own family would have the ability to make me so nervous.
I did not know that the idea of telling them that I was not the golden child they had thought me to be would make my breath stutter and my hands shake.
I did not know that my own family would, for months, be a contributing factor to the anxiety and depression that I felt, because I was so afraid of what they would say.
No one tells you that one of the most frightening things about mental health disorders is not necessarily the disorders themselves, but rather how they might affect the people around you.
I of course had no reason to fear. My family, though shocked and saddened, were accepting and supportive, just as I had prayed for them to be. I made sure to emphasize that nothing they had done had made me depressed, or had given me anxiety; it wasn't their fault.
I think they believe me.
The only reason I ever doubt it these days is because my anxiety likes to keep me on my toes.
Something that I did not expect to happen from telling my family was that they would start to ask me questions about living with anxiety and depression.
"What does it feel like?"
"Do you have triggers?"
"How does it happen?"
Sometimes I feel like a zoo animal, on display to be ogled and novelized.
Sometimes I feel like they will never understand, that they will always be ignorant and insensitive, and that I will just have to continue to deal with these things on my own.
Sometimes I remember that they are trying their best to help.
Sometimes I try to explain and help them understand, and sometimes I succeed.
Sometimes my mom, who is a middle school PE and health teacher, will ask me how to handle situations with her students who are dealing with mental health problems.
Sometimes my dad talks to me about the emotions and conflicts that he has while dealing with various stresses in life, form work or people or whatever is happening at present.
Sometimes my brother tells me about his classmates and friends who are struggling, and how he tries to help them by remembering what I have told him.
Sometimes, I feel like my family is the best support group I could ever ask for.
I know my story is not everyone's, and that I am so, so lucky to have people who care and work hard to show me that they care. I know that not everyone is as fortunate as me in that regard. But I know a lot of people are not aware, just as I was not aware, that their family can be their support group simply by caring.
Unfortunately, too many people stumble through mental disorders never being told that they don't have to go through their experiences alone and frightened of opening up.
Something no one ever told me about having mental health issues is that they affect the people around you.
Something else no one ever told me about it is that it can affect the people around you in unexpected ways, including bringing you all closer to understanding each other.
Talking openly and honestly is not a sign of failure. Being vulnerable is not being weak. Asking your people, whether your family or friends or whoever, can open doors and expand relationships.
I never knew any of this, but I want you to know. That's why I have written these articles.
