When you go swimming, you like to touch the bottom of the pool with your toes instead of swimming around hoping you will stay afloat, right? You may cannonball into that deep pool water, but then you come up for air and feel uncomfortable. You are not touching the ground. You are forced to keep yourself afloat, as tiring as it is. Now compare this same situation to life. You are nowhere near your comfort zone. You are from it. You are experiencing some awful stuff and you just want to touch the ground again. You want to be out of the deep end.

Life is funny that way and it sucks. I am only being real, but think of what is happening as a life-learning experience. This one thing (or maybe more) is going to open your eyes to a new perspective and new way of thinking. Let's be honest, you will not be the same person as you were before the experience too.

I have recently hit the bottom. I have fallen in the deep end of the pool and I want out. I realized what kind of a person one of my former friends were and I am no longer an RA, so I have to find a way to pay back that scholarship. Here I am, 20 years old, taking out a loan, not for schooling, but to pay back this scholarship so I can still live on campus and register for classes next semester. I am frantically searching for jobs. I luckily have an interview set up already. Fingers crossed! This is where I become an adult. I have to figure it out and get myself out of the rut that I have put myself into.

God is with me. Always. Through thick and thin.

That is a lesson I had to learn. Things happen for reasons. God gives us these things so we can lean on Him and realize he is always in control. I can do this. I am much happier without the RA position. I am. I have more time to focus on schoolwork and getting involved with the community. I can go to church without worrying if I will be back in time for desk hours. Everything will be okay.

It's funny. I was sitting in Starbucks (seriously, when am I not here) and I was studying for my test. It was the evening of the day I found out I was no longer going to be an RA. Oceans by Hillsong came on and the lyrics still stand out to me. From the day I first ever heard to now.

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now"

This is a perfect lyric for me in my life right now. My feet are failing to find its footing and fear is definitely surrounding me along with the what ifs and doubts, but God has never failed and I know He won't start now. I just have to keep faith.

So before you give up, think long and hard before you do. Everyone will fall at some point, but it's when we get back up that makes us strong.