When You Need Love, Fall In Love With Yourself

When I Wanted To Fall In Love, I Learned To Fall In Love With Myself

The only time I fell in love with the right person is when I fell in love with myself.


I had spent years in love with someone who was toxic for me, and about a year ago, the messy limbo finally came to an end. And if you think I felt liberated, happy, and finally free from all the pain and sadness that accompanied the relationship, you're wrong. I felt lost, sad, empty and alone.

The relationship had become less about wanting to be with my ex than it did about being a bad habit or a crutch.

I used the relationship as a vice for all my other problems. I felt a lot of chaos in myself and in my mind and my soul, and I used the toxic situation with my ex to cope with it. I had my life together in every other way, and I poured all of my negative emotions into this outlet. It gave me an excuse to be sad or reckless or completely undone.

So, when this vice was taken away, it was almost like I experienced withdrawal. I no longer had my safety net to rely on, and it was just me and my demons at last.

I felt so lonely, sad and lost, but beyond that, I didn't feel much else. I didn't get much joy out of anything and for the first time in my life, I struggled a lot.

I struggled at work, I struggled in my classes, I struggled to remember basic tasks, I struggled to attend meetings and to meet deadlines. I struggled to be creative and I even struggled to enjoy myself. I had never felt so off in my entire life.

I think I used to think the idea of being "out of control" was attractive and exciting, but when it came down to really having no control over myself, it was horrible.

Through this struggling, I wanted nothing more than to fall in love.

A million times I begged and prayed to meet someone so I could fall in love because I thought it would save me. I didn't want to feel so sad and lost anymore, and I thought falling love in love with someone new would fix it all. But I never met anyone, and I grew sadder.

And when I found out my ex had met someone new, I grew angry. I felt betrayed by the universe and even more alone than before. I was angry that I had to struggle and angry I couldn't just finally be okay. I was angry that things weren't just easy to deal with and move on. I've never felt such emotional turmoil and darkness in my life.

Finally, being faced with my imperfections and struggling to achieve in all areas of my life really challenged me to love and value myself for the rawest and important reasons. I learned to love myself for who I am, for what I believed in, for my morals and my values, for how I treat people, and most importantly, how I treat myself.

I stopped leaning on my accomplishments to make me look good, my toxic relationship to pour my negative energy into and my hard exterior to hide all insecurities from the world. I had to build myself from the bottom up and now I've never had a more solid foundation.

I finally did fall in love, and it was better than I could've asked for. I fell in love with my life again.

Being happy feels effortless again, staying positive through hardships is a habit now, and learning to accept defeat feels graceful instead of a spiral. I fell in love with my friends. I've never felt more love and appreciation than I do with the people who surround me now. They love me for my flaws and all, and I've never felt so secure in the relationships I've built.

I've fallen in love with my activities again. I love going to class and learning like I used to and attending chapter for my sorority because I get to see my friends, and I have a new job I adore. Doing these activities is easy and enjoyable, and asking for help and admitting when I need a break no longer feels like a failure. It's just taking care of myself.

And finally, probably most importantly, I fell in love with myself, which is the best feeling of all. I am not perfect by any means and I still have insecurities. But I've learned to view them as something to work on and something to accept, and I need to love myself despite those flaws.

I'm so happy I wasn't given what I begged for, whether it was another chance with my ex or to meet someone new because I was given the opportunity to really grow.

I feel so much stronger and so much steadier now than I ever have before. I know I can handle anything. I know what I deserve, who I should surround myself with, and how I should treat myself. And that chaos I felt inside of me for so many years has finally subsided, has finally gone away.

I've never felt so much peace in my life and in myself, and I'm thankful for that pain that gave it to me.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.

They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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I Stopped Wearing Makeup For A Week And I've Never Felt More Confident

You don't need makeup to look and feel beautiful if you don't want to.


I began wearing makeup in middle school for special occasions. Whenever there was a school dance, I'd don on some mascara and I would feel beautiful. This continued until the end of my sophomore year of high school when I decided that putting on makeup would become part of my everyday morning routine. Eventually, wearing makeup was something people expected to see rather than something that I wore on occasion.

Things stayed the same until my freshman year of college. There were some days during my first year in college that I couldn't be bothered to wear makeup, because I was in a rush. However, whenever these days occurred, I usually had friends ask me why I was so tired and if everything was okay. I have prominent bags under my eyes that I usually cover up with a concealer, and though I slept enough and tried many remedies, they just wouldn't disappear. Without my makeup though, my friends were concerned and thought that something might be wrong. While they had good intentions, I thought that I must not look good without my makeup.

From then on, I started wearing makeup every day, no matter what. If I went to grab some food quick, I had to wear makeup. Review session for math on Saturday in the morning? Makeup. Volunteering for a club? Makeup. Class? Makeup, always makeup. If there was any chance that I would run into someone that I knew I had to put on makeup because I felt that I would be judged and wanted to look my best at all times.

When I started taking an 8 a.m. class this semester, something changed.

One day, I was running late and was rushing to get to my class on time. I didn't have time to put on any makeup before class. At first, I was self-conscious without any makeup covering up my circles and I felt naked. I thought that people would notice, but I don't think that anyone even noticed. The following week, I had exams and felt that getting a few more minutes of sleep was much more satisfying than putting on makeup, so I went without any makeup that week. At first, I was still self-conscious of not having anything on my face to cover up the imperfections, but as the week wore on, I felt free. Without any makeup, I never had to take any off at night. Normally my mascara takes forever to get off, which is a hassle. Also, I felt that without the makeup, I felt like I looked better over time. I was more confident about how I looked with and without the makeup.

Since that fateful week of not wearing makeup, I've found that not wearing any makeup to be extremely freeing. While I do still sometimes put it on, it is no longer a necessity. If you wear makeup constantly, I suggest trying to go without wearing makeup for a few days. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup, and there also isn't anything wrong with not wearing makeup either.

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