If this situation is one you find yourself in, then I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that anyone has to experience this type of pain or sorrow. Sorrow because we're sorry we ever even tried when we knew they wouldn't.
To the hearts of those who try too hard to keep something alive that is very much not alive, I feel for you. I've been to those depths more times than I want to admit, and have suffered so much mental pain from the recovery.
That's the thing, there's really no full recovery from a broken or one-sided friendship. When one side is giving 50% or more and the other side isn't giving any, learn to recognize it and leave it.
If I can give any advice from what I've learned being the victim of a one-sided friendship, it's to learn the signals and the red flags, and leave it before it dies completely. If I'm noticing I'm putting more into a friendship than I'm getting out of it, I'll leave. No matter how close of a friendship it was, if it bleeds its true colors to me and those are toxic signs, I'll do what's best for me and leave.
Photo by Gokil
Too many times, I've been on the receiving end of a friendship where I was told what I was doing wasn't enough. I'm not being a good enough friend, I'm not reaching out often enough, I'm not being selfless enough, or that I just don't care for their well-being. At this point, there's already a break, and it'll only get deeper. Truthfully, once a friendship has a deep cut, there will never be a full recovery or a newly blossomed friendship that's improved. That's just not how it works. If it did, I'd have all of my friends still that I've ever had in my lifetime.
Too many times, I've experienced being a backup friend. The one that goes off of someone else's time or when it's convenient for them. It's tiring to be the person that's left in the dust for someone else when I'm the one who's been there longer. Why am I the person that's left behind to play catch up when I'm the one who's trying to be caught up? If I'm trying, then why does it feel like I'm not? I deserve what I'm putting out right back. If I don't get that, it's not worth my time.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez
Too many times, I've truly tried to reach out to someone to mend things. Fixing a mistake that was made is okay, it's how we learn from them and don't make the same mistakes again. But reaching out to someone wanting to talk to them and not receiving a response back is the ultimate defeat. At that point, there's nothing else that can be done.
If anyone has tried this, A+ for trying. That's the first step. The other problem, however, is the fact that I reach out to someone to mend something that I didn't break. It's 2 ways, simply put: it takes 2 people to make a friendship work or not work. If I'm the one trying to make it work, then that's no longer on me. My "carelessness" is showing so much just to receive nothing back. Can't always be the victim…
Photo by Hanna Postova
Being the person who's seen as the one who's done wrong has got to be one of the worst feelings, especially when you know that there are things they've done wrong too. The unfortunate part is that when 2 people no longer see eye-to-eye, a friendship won't ever amount from that again. But you know what? That's fine.
Personally for me, if they were a true friend who genuinely cared for me and about where I am or how I'm holding up, then they'd have taken a bigger chance to fix their part of the wrong end. If not, their true colors show.
For those of you experiencing anything of this sort, just know when the right time is to turn your back and walk away.
Photo by Chad Madden