Walking by faith and not by sight is always much easier said than done. Actually, I'll be completely honest with you: I find it completely impossible to look at defeating circumstances with my physical eyes and STILL be expected to have faith God will do what He says or even give me the peace needed to start again. Why? Because what we see with our eyes is our reality and reality, well, let's just say sometimes it's very hard to face.

When people ask me how I know for sure God is real and the Holy Spirit is actually a real thing that can change you from the inside-out, I get the biggest grin on face. I always reply, "If you knew what I was capable of without Him, and the person I can truly be, you would know ALL of who I am now is a change that can only come from a Higher Power. Nothing in me is good except Him." See, the person I am worries about things before there are even things to worry about. I battle with depression and anxiety which makes such a dynamic duo when fear or worry sets in. So you see, the person I really can be can never look at her circumstances with physical eyes and have the courage to keep fighting. I want to quit. I want to hide. I want to complain. I want to stay depressed and filled with anxiety because that is much easier than actually asking God to either change my situation or change me.

I have found in these places where God makes me experience circumstances that are directly against everything He has said to be the greatest moments where He and He alone grows my faith. Right there in the dark, the cold, the desolate, the empty, the lonely, He finds me. So often God calls us into places and allows circumstances and raging storms to come against us to prove to us that what we see in the physical world STILL has no power over His authority. I have been faced with some circumstances that tested the ultimate depths of my faith. Things I have seen and experienced and the circumstances God has currently called me into are less than ideal and comfortable. When the core of your being is damaged, the first thing it effects is your faith. For me, my response has been, "Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? You've seen how hard I've tried and how much I've given to You and trusted You and believed what You've said and look where you lead me. Look what YOU did to ME! How are you the God who loves me so much?"

Friend, let me tell you, God understands your raw emotions. He sees what going to happen to you before it even happens. That's the most difficult task God has taught me yet. He knew it was coming, YET He allowed it. After a month or longer when I finally chose to call on God for help to not look at my circumstances, my heart began to change. Not because my circumstances had changed. They had not. Actually, they only were filled with more disappointment week after week, yet this change was still happening in my heart that I could trust God and something beautiful was going to come out of this. The more I stopped complaining and starting thanking Him, my heart changed. The more I stopped listening to lies of insecurity, depression, doubt, fear, and anxiety, my heart changed. Hear me when I say this, God had every reason to turn His back on me as I had so much anger and bitterness in my heart. He had every reason to walk away and confirm that I felt forsaken by Him. But He didn't. Day by day, slowly but surely, He so tenderly kept pursuing my heart until it broke for nothing but His love and affirmation for me. I am not saying it's easy to let God in because it isn't. Human nature doesn't want to let God in. Human nature doesn't want to understand God and His ways. It’s never been natural for me, and this is how I prove that He is real and has the power to change even the most stubborn hearts.

So this morning at 4:30am when He met me at our usual morning time before the world begins, with a cup of coffee in my hand He lays something so beautiful on my heart to share: The farmer never sees the abundance of his harvest when the seeds have been planted in the ground. He doesn't see the transforming work happening beneath that soil. Even when it begins to sprout, he has faith it will not be destroyed by the storms of life. He has faith in the drought. He has faith in the torrential rain his crops will still make an abundant harvest even when it CANNOT be seen, yet what he sees with physical eyes is looking hopeless. It's faith in the soil. It's faith in what's rooted. It's faith in the darkest part of the soil that cannot be seen that will hold the crop to the ground and produce a large harvest. It's the faith when our eyes physically see nothing, yet still believe there will be an abundance that brings forth a harvest season.

The good news about this is we don't have to produce this faith because on our own it is impossible. That's how we KNOW God is real and He is at work in us when we see people who should've given up on their faith because of their circumstances yet they choose to fight another day. THIS IS GOD. I can promise you He WILL give you courage and strength to power through any unlikely, difficult, painful, life-changing, faith-testing, trial you may be going through and you will be able to march on. So my prayer for you today, whoever it is that needs to hear this, God loves you. He sees you. He wants your eyes and your heart. All you have to do is ask Him to take them and make you see and feel the truth He wants you to see, and with the power of a real, true, Holy God, you'll begin to find faith in the soil.