Growing apart from family sucks. It starts out as someone not calling as often as they used to, then progresses to not visiting as much, and then soon you only see each other at big holiday events – if that. Friends also grow apart but with family it’s worse because you are always connected no matter how hard the connection between the two of you tries to fade away. It hurts a little more because eventually you will have to see them at a family event, have to interact, have to play nice, no matter what did or did not transpire between you. Families fight, yes, but growing apart is worse. It is no one’s fault; you can’t pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong like you can in a fight. It's gradual, slow, sometimes painful, sometimes painless. But the absence is still there no matter what.
My cousin is three years younger than I am. I don’t really remember family life without him. We were partners in crime, we would follow each other everywhere. He felt like the little brother I never had (and only wanted under certain conditions). He was there to have fun with but I never had to see him when I didn’t want to and vice versa. Our 3-year age gap didn’t stop our friendship, which always surprised our family. I liked cars, video games, and playing outside, so I guess our interests overlapped a lot. Interestingly enough, we never really spoke outside of the times we saw each other in person. I had a phone before he did and when he was eventually old enough for one, it either frequently lost or broken.
I never thought about what would happen when I went to college. I thought things would remain the same. Maybe I should have reached out, maybe he should have but it never happened. When I came back after my first year, things felt different and distanced. I couldn’t really tell what had happened but we didn’t talk as much and I felt forced for conversation. It seemed that he wanted to stay in his room on his phone (which was cracked at the time) than talk to me. He managed to grow up in the time that I left. He was no longer my baby cousin but a full fledged teenager. He had his own interests and his own friends now and I was no longer the main core of this equation.
It took me a while to be okay with this. I don’t want to lose our relationship and let it fade away but I have to understand that some relationships grow and change. I know that we still have a special relationship and I would love to keep that connection strong. I can’t tell you that it is always worth the fight or that you won’t grow apart from your family. But I can tell you that if you’ll look back on it in 30 years and regret not being as close then it is worth saving.
