Someone recently made the suggestion to me that I make a list of the loss I've experienced in my life as a way to reflect and attempt to build off of my hurt. Someone else made the suggestion to me that I make a list of at least 100 things I am thankful for. I took both of these suggestions and the results have shown me something that I hadn't quite anticipated.
I started with my "loss list." I breathed deeply and let the pen fall on the paper, etching out the deepest hurts that this life has brought me. Tears fell on the paper as I recapped my distress, my anguish, my fears. I had to pray just to keep going, wondering why I acted on this suggestion and hating the pen in my hands for revealing all of my pain. Finally, I stopped, looking at the paper, knowing that I likely missed some things but sitting in awe at the list. It was longer than I expected it to be.
Despite the lengthy losses staring me in the face, I started to feel hopeful; I made it through all of these storms by the strength of Jesus. He helped me to repair the damage these storms left in their path and He helped me to build up strength for the next storm.
Immediately after my "loss list," I moved on to my "thankful list." 100 things to be thankful for seemed like quite the feat, and I started to think that I wouldn't make it all the way there. After about 20 minutes, my list was coming along nicely and I was really impressing myself with my sheer thankfulness. And then a thought hit me, and it rocked me...
Most of the things I am thankful for entered my life because of the loss I've experienced.
My thoughts started racing. How could that be? How could my greatest hurts have brought such wonderful things into my life?
The answer is simply this: God is GOOD. He bound my wounds through people, places and things that would alter my universe in the best way. He gave them to me at the exact right moments in the exact right ways. He had a plan all along. While I was screaming at the sky and demanding answers, he was working out ways to grant me peace and understanding.
I ended up having more than 100 things on my "thankful list" and one of those things happened to be loss.
Looking back on the storms of this life is a scary thing to me. I do not enjoy confronting or admitting my hurt; it makes me feel selfish and wrong since everyone experiences loss and mine is no worse than anyone else's. However, through this exercise, I am seeing God slowly chiseling away at that fear and replacing it with thankfulness and understanding.
He calls us beloved and He will not let these storms overtake us. Instead, He will allow them to refine us into vessels for His peace and His comfort.
He is good all the time, we just have to look around and notice it.
