“Friends pick us up when we fall down, and if they can’t pick us up, they lie down and listen for a while”. -Unknown

This quote has stuck with me from the moment I first read it; not necessarily because of its validity and truth, but because it made me question which of my friends actually did these things for me. To my unfortunate discovery, very few. What about you? After you read the quote, did you think to yourself, “Yep, ALL of my friends are like that,” or did you hesitantly realize, “Wow, only two, maybe a couple more, are like that?”

Realizing who your true friends are unfortunately takes more than just reading a simple quote. It takes time, challenges, and most importantly, acceptance that you need to let go of those who no longer make a positive impact on your life. Sometimes I questioned what “true friendship” even was… Was it laughter? Understanding? Good times? Caring? Generosity? Honesty? Loyalty? Or, all of the above and even more? Although I don’t know the exact and perfect answer, I have a pretty good idea:   

Real friends help you stand when all you feel like doing is lying on the ground where your hardship left you. They don’t make you stand fast, but help you slowly as you find your balance again. They are patient with every move, and step of the way, no matter what. When you feel so heavy with burden, regret, guilt, or sadness, you just can’t even think about standing up again, they lay down with you, just as the quote suggests. They don’t just hear what you have to say, they listen and comprehend your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, they may even start to have those thoughts and emotions, because they genuinely understand. Then, when you’re ready, they patiently help you stand again. Friends work with your faults, and do not hang a burden above your head because of them. They also cherish your amazing characteristics, and are never, truly jealous of you. Yes, they are happy for you, and maybe sometimes even wish to be you in an instant, but are never jealous. Friends remind you of your faith, and always tell you “It’s going to be okay” when it will be, and “Let’s figure something out” when it won’t be. Friends don’t talk down to you, or up to you, because neither feels superior to the other. They laugh at your God-awful jokes, but warn you to never tell it again to anyone else. They bring out the absolute weirdest side of you; so weird you can’t even describe it to people when you try. They trust you. Friends make you happy, excited, and grateful.   

No, your true friends will never do all of these things, all of the time. Every friendship has their downs because we are human. Humans are extremely, emotionally complex and quite frankly, even the most selfless person in the world will occasionally be quite selfish and a bad friend. However, your true friends will realize when they are not this way, and in turn work on themselves to not just be a better friend, but better people.      

It is perfectly fine to have an abundance of friends who make you laugh and have great times with, but when you sit down and think of whom your true friends are, it may be more difficult than you think. Just because you have been “best friends” with someone since fifth grade, doesn’t mean you will be best friends with them forever. People change constantly, and if these best friends of yours aren’t granting you the gift of happiness and warmth, then it may be time to finally accept that you are not best friends anymore.  

“Breaking up” with a friend is undeniably difficult, and ultimately distressing, but in the end it will only benefit the two of you. You could go about this by either confronting them and telling them your decision and why, or, if confrontation is not yours or their thing, then slowly distance yourself. Instead of texting him/her to hangout first, try branching out to other people. If he/she wants to hangout, then suggest hanging out with groups instead of one-on-one. Either way, do what is best for your emotional well-being, but never, ever intentionally hurt them. Just because you’re ready to wean off of them doesn’t mean you need to shut them out of your life forever. Who knows, you could reconnect with them after some space?

  This isn’t to say true, best friends are impossible to find. Yes, it’s quite a challenge, but they are out there. Cherish the people who exemplify those qualities and bring the best out of you. Those are the ones who will be there until the end.