Emotions: that weird sensation you feel when you're upset, angry, sad or happy. Believe it or not, we all have that strange element within us. Not to be that type of gal, but I'm quite a reserved person when it comes to my emotions. You know that response when someone asks if you're alright and, with a swift reply and a fake smile, an "I'm doing fine!" comes out...that's my typical response. I know, I know, I apologize, but that's just the kind of person I've become.
I really hate emotions, because they're things I try to push down at all costs and, without a doubt, they come back fearlessly. A distinct moment in life when I first started to push down my emotions was when I was a child, during one instance in a park at recess. We've all been injured a time or two while playing outside with friends during a furious game of tag, accidentally falling and scraping a knee.
You see, when I was that kid in a heated game at the park during recess, and I scraped my knee, I didn't want to cry. Let me tell you, I wanted to cry--I wanted to cry so badly--but I feared that my classmates were going to think I was weak; or, as present day 20-year old me would say, that I were acting like "a little bitch" (excuse my language). Crying in front of people was something I could never do. I wasn't weak. I couldn't show that singular moment of hurt.
As I got older, I took that "crying is weak" statement with me until the end. Not only did I hate crying, but I was petrified to speak about my emotions with anyone. I couldn't let anyone know that I got sad or angry because I thought it was complaining; I thought that talking about what I was thinking and how I was feeling on a daily basis sounded like whining all of my troubles away.
As a teenager, I kept everything to myself; every bad day I would have, I kept my emotions to myself for fear of being a burden to others. Never talking to my friends or family about how I felt became a habit; I thought everything I felt would just dissipate on its own.
And that never really solved anything in the long run. It took me years to realize that my emotions were not something to hide and lock away but, rather, something to show.
Recently, I learned that my closest friends went through similar issues relating to emotions and a fear of showing them. I've learned to cry, and I've realize that it doesn't make me weak at all. Also, I've learned that I'll have good days and bad days, just like everyone else, and it's okay to let others know you're not fine at all.
We live in a crazy world, not to be too corny, but don't let your fears stop you from being the best version of yourself. It's okay to be sad, happy or mad and letting someone know how you feel can be such a relief at times. There's always someone out there who'll understand you and relate to your situation. So please, say something; your words and emotions matter.
