Recent events have caused controversy all across the world. From Brexit to gun control to even ethical gorilla treatment, it seems this summer will continue to be one of the most eventful seasons in recent memory. That's why, whenever controversy like this happens, it's always good to know that we have our friends' Facebooks to give us all of the facts. I, for one, am especially thankful for my friend Sir Dr. Prof. Rev. Aleck Braggart Jr. Esq. Now, Mr. Braggart, as you all know, is the world's foremost expert on all things. He studied at his state's 46th top-ranking high school and works as an Executive Sales Rep at Company Inc. Aleck has been on Facebook so long that his friends list is in the triple digits, and he knows at least half of them in person. He also spends a good portion of his day watching BuzzFeed videos, so he's really cultured. Even with his numerous extracurricular activities, Braggart's true passion is learning. Learning all about everything. That's why I trust every word he says about pretty much any thing big in the news.
You should have seen Aleck's post during the Gender Bathroom debates. Aw, man, he said that he saw this one video that had this one article linked to it that had this political cartoon in it that really explained the real problem behind everything! A few weeks later, when the gorilla was killed, he told me about this tweet he saw from this guy who used to have a dog that he got from this one lady who went to the zoo this one time, and he knew exactly what should have happened. Boy, but the real truth bomb was about gun control. You see, Braggart saw this picture of a kid with a gun, and he posted it on his wall. And in the comments, he posted a link to the Google image page where he found that picture that had this other picture that showed all of us the real problem with our country.
I'm really glad I have friends like Aleck, who show me the truth behind every situation. I'm glad that he takes time out of his day to skim over the intro paragraph of so many Wikipedia pages. If he didn't put so much effort into what he does, I might just have to read about an issue for myself. I might just have to search out information, and then I'd have to check multiple sources to ensure I'm getting all the facts. But I don't have to work that hard -- instead, there's Mr. Prof. Dr. Cpt. Maj. Pres. Aleck Braggart II, the world's foremost authority on anything and everything!
DISCLAIMER: The article you just read was entirely satirical and in no way reflects any one person.
