I stand there trying not to show them the fear in my eyes. There are 25 little sets of eyes staring up at me, wondering how they are supposed to respond. As they look to me, I panic, only thinking that I need an adult to help me, then realizing that I am the adult. Immediately, I realize that I need an adultier adult, someone to just tell me what to do, but I don’t have that option. I take a deep breath, decide how we will proceed, and start implementing my plan immediately.

Having a job while being in college can be VERY difficult. You are usually expected to work after class, leaving little time for homework or other activities. This is, however, sometimes unavoidable because money is a thing that most of us don’t have. I thought I had the perfect remedy to this situation when, just about a year ago, I received my Substitute Certificate for the State of Missouri. Being a substitute teacher is the most challenging, interesting, and fun job in the world.

The job is one that no one who hasn’t subbed before can ever really understand. My day as a substitute usually begins about 6:15 a.m., when I wake up, have to decide on an outfit, eat breakfast, drink coffee, pack a lunch, and get out the door to be in my classroom ready to go at 7:30. All of these steps are crucial and more difficult than they sound. When you are headed into a classroom full of 13-year-old-boys, it is so important to make sure that dress you like is an appropriate length, the pants are not too tight, or the top is not too sheer, low-cut, or suggestive. If you like flashy jewelry, this probably isn’t the job for you. If the necklace gains too much attention it will be the only thing your students pay attention to for the next hour.

Once you get into the classroom, it feels like a sprint until the day ends. I get through the door and immediately rush to the desk, pick up the lesson plans, and go over them. Sometimes I know the content and systems for the day well, other times I am speed reading chapters in middle school textbooks before kids show up at my door. It is impossible to know what you will be teaching specifically, so every day is a new challenge.

The first class typically find their seats in my classroom just before 8 a.m. As I stand at an unfamiliar podium in an unfamiliar room, looking at all the eyes staring back at me, it happens. Panic. Sheer, unwavering panic. All of these students are my responsibility. What if they try to overthrow power and take control of the classroom. What if they pay no attention to me. What if they hate me. Hundreds of thoughts run through my head about the uncertain future of the day as I absentmindedly call role. Once I get to the last name on the list, it’s time for the performance to being. Yes, in many ways being a substitute teacher is like being an actress. The goal is to keep the students in their typical routine as much as possible, even if you have no clue what that routine is.

Firstly, I introduce Myself. I use my last name, trust me, it’s a power struggle thing. As soon as they figure out they can call you by your first name you are friends and not students and teacher. Next, start the lesson. This past week I taught a writing lesson and, in an effort to try and spark some creativity with the students, let them listen to music while they wrote as long as I saw pens moving. The kids loved it, but this brings me to the next part of this job, making a rule and sticking to it. If the students are not following through with their end of the bargain, the bargain is off.

When you are standing there, between 25 students and a cold chalkboard, there are a million things going through your head at every second. You must be teaching the content thoroughly, being sure students are paying attention, paying special attention to students who may need extra help, watching the kid in the corner who is misbehaving, trying to make it interesting for the student up front who has finished their worksheet in what feels like 2.5 seconds, and being sure that everyone is awake, focused, and working in case an administrator stops by to check in. I have never had more going on in my head than that first-day teaching, and it never really stops. Every time I stand in front of a classroom, no matter the grade level, content, or ability level, the same thoughts are constantly running through my head.

The day proceeds, every fifty minutes the process starts over until it is lunch, two or three more classes and finally the day is over. You do not know mental exhaustion until you have spent a full day teaching a hundred students with different ability levels, academic needs, ideas of how to trick the substitute, and practice in pushing the rules. There are high and low points to every day you spend substituting. Some classes are so well behaved that you will cherish their memory for quite a while. Others give the day a sour taste because of their lack of responsibility and bad behavior.

So why, you ask, why do it? You have to get up early, are sick with worry all day, and the pay is just over minimum wage, nothing to write home about. Well, let me tell you, there is nothing more beautiful, joyful, or amazing than witnessing a lightbulb moment, that moment when it finally clicks and a student understands something they thought they never would. There is nothing more rewarding than having 25 kids high five you on their way out the door because they had so much fun in your class that day. Teaching, even for only one day, is touching the lives of every student that you meet and changing them in some way. It is amazing, a feeling that cannot even be put into words, to know that what you are saying or doing is helping a student achieve success and understand something new. Being a substitute teacher is the most challenging job I have ever had, but it’s also the most rewarding.