Expect More Of Yourself

Expect More Of Yourself

A lesson learned from Wes Moore.
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In the book "The Other Wes Moore," the author recounts the following story:

"Two kids named Wes Moore were born blocks apart within a year of each other. Both grew up fatherless in similar Baltimore neighborhoods and had difficult childhoods; both hung out on street corners with their crews; both ran into trouble with the police. How, then, did one grow up to be a Rhodes Scholar, decorated veteran, White House Fellow, and business leader, while the other ended up a convicted murderer serving a life sentence?"

The author of the book is actually Wes Moore himself — the Rhode Scholar, the veteran, etc. I had the privilege of hearing him speak at a conference in Tampa recently and I believe this is a message for all of us.

So what made them so different? Wes Moore recounts a meeting with "the other Wes Moore" in prison. He asked the inmate if he thought that where we grow up made the difference in who we become. To which he replied no. Because it is not the place and environment, but the expectations you put on yourself.

What you expect of yourself determines what you do with yourself. And of course, the people you surround yourself with play an important role because if you are not careful, their expectations will become yours for better or worse.

Sometimes this is hard because the people we are with many times may not have too high of expectations for themselves or for you. It is at that time when we need to expect more of ourselves.

The only person that determines what you do with your life is you; you can make it count and you can make a difference. From experience, I can say that it takes time. However, in the long run when you look back at where you are right now things will be different. And they will be shaped by what you expect of yourself today. So my advice is aim high and expect more of yourself.


Cover Image Credit: MDig

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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In A Society Where Sex Sells And Women Are Trying To Be Heard

You are a valuable human being, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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I think it's fair to say we all have our guilty pleasures in life.

Those romantic comedies, steamy novels, or dramatic tv shows.

We love seeing the super attractive guy, with the super attractive girl.

But I think what society has picked up on, and what continues to happen, is women are being overly sexualized.

Whether it be a commercial, a show, a movie, a picture, or advertisement, sex will sell just about anything.

And I know this happens to men as well, and sure we don't mind looking at it, and might not even notice any real problems, but it is a problem.

We live in a society where men and women want to be heard, they want their voices out on the platforms for the world to hear, they want to change, and action.

We want to end major problems like human trafficking, sexual predators, and rape culture.

But let's put up a billboard of a half-dressed woman for children to see.

Let's make this simple.

No a woman or man for that matter, wearing very little clothing does not mean they are open or willing to engage with anyone sexually. This does not excuse rape, catcalling, or other sexual comments.

But listen, I am a woman, and if there is a man on the beach with a six-pack, It might catch my eye.

Just as a woman with a very revealing top may get a couple of glances, but this still doesn't have to be made sexual or overly dramatic. We can notice, and control our thoughts.

But here's the thing, if we continue to push sex, it really doesn't help our case.

As a woman I know if I walk into a job interview I'm going to look my best because my goal is to show I am a sophisticated individual worth being hired, it sends a message, just as walking into an interview with sweatpants would be.

I know I can speak for all men and women and say we all desire respect, as we should.

We don't want unwanted attention.

But there are a lot of other things we don't want either,

as I mentioned before, predators, sex traffickers, or rapists.

I believe clothing or lack thereof do not lead to such things, but rather things like pornography, graphic movies, shows, or magazines can "encourage."

NOT intentionally.

But think about it, really.

They create a fantasy, which means they aren't real. But when we continue to promote these things it becomes real for some people.

We as women want to be heard, we want respect, we want equality, but I'm telling you we are not going to get that in a society that banks off of sex. Or sexually exploiting ourselves.

Because

1. WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO SELL OURSELVES LIKE THAT TO ANYONE

2. I'm pretty sure people will still buy the product without the half dressed individuals if marketed well

I think if we want to change then we need to fix the issues staring right at us.


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