You know how sometimes people have certain thoughts that are random, emotional and heart wrenching? This week is dedicated to those. They are excerpts of raw feelings, happy thoughts and brokenness in a world full of pages and pages of nonsense.
"No, I don't know, I don't want know.
I fear myself, maybe i will miss him.
terribly,
and call him again..."
-(but he won't reply)
"I couldn't do this anymore. I stood there in front of him, shaking as I gathered up all of my courage and asked, "Do you hate me?" He responds with a skeptical look.
"Of course not." He looks into my eyes with those beautiful blue ones no one had ever bothered to notice except me. "You're always so kind to me." Tears started o spill down my cheeks.
"Then why are you so cruel to me?"
"And in that moment; all the songs, all the poems, they suddenly made sense, they were about you."
"People always refer to their love as being big as the ocean, but for me, my love for you was like a penny. It wasn't much but it was all I had. You threw it on the ground like it was nothing."
"and i thought blue eyes were boring until I looked into yours. The same blue shade as the sky on the first day of spring. They light up like a bolt of lighting had struck in them. I couldn't take my eyes off them, they flowed with excitement and anticipation. There was a whole other world in your eyes, and thats where i wanted to be."
"I set boundaries and I built walls so that no one can reach the scattered pieces of my soul. But then he came and I let him decipher me. I slowly let those boundaries vanish in the hope that he would put my shattered pieces back together. But who seemed like an angel gave me nothing more than a curse. A curse that left with no hope and now I am so hollow that I am scared to look within."
"We live in a society where we feel like we need to be in love or you're not actually living, it's as if it is our duty on this earth. At such a young age we are conditioned that we need to be in love by the time we are young adults. But what they don't teach you is that you need to be in love with yourself before you can love anyone else. There is so much this world has to offer, gifts you have yet to receive, love doesn't have an expiration date."
"And maybe that's just how it ends. You don't forget the pain he caused you, or the times you spent crying on the bathroom floor because you weren't enough for him. And you can't forget how he chose the sweetest of words to get you and the most poisonous of actions to break you, and that's okay. Because while you're left with these painful memories, you remember that what he doesn't possess is the power to destroy you. And that my dear, is the most beautifully tragic memory he left you with."
"I now realize that, I love you with every part of my heart and soul. But I can't. I can't live with the thought of telling you and the possibility of losing you. I just have to suck it up. I try my best to forget about you and start thinking about someone else, but every time I think I might be, you pop right back into my mind. The truth is you probably never left in the first place."
"I write hoping you'll read"
