Everything in my life is a huge question mark, and it’s not okay. I hate not knowing where I’m going or what I want to do. People tell you that being undecided is a smart choice to start off college, but when a semester or a year and then some goes by, it becomes scarier and scarier. You start questioning every choice, every decision, and everything you have done leading up to where you are now. You start to question your choice of college, your choice to be undecided, and the choices of classes that you are taking. Then you start to think about all the money you are spending to go to this college, how much each class is costing you, and how much time you are wasting just taking easy, core classes that “need” to get done.

I came to Nazareth undecided with absolutely no idea as to what I wanted to do. I thought that since I took a bunch of college classes in high school and since there were core classes that I needed to be done that I could take my time choosing a major. Well, now I have almost all of my core classes done and they aren’t as riveting and interesting as I thought they would be. Everything is just breezing by and I now have to start thinking about what I want to do. However, I still have no idea what direction I want to go in. People try to help by saying “just think about what interest you, what you want to do, where do you want to be, or what do you think you’d love to do, etc.” but honestly, I don’t know how to answer any of those questions.

When I was in high school, I treated school like a job. I got everything that needed to be done- done in time and to the best of my abilities. I never thought “oh this is so interesting” so now I have no idea where I want to be, and that’s scary. I’m one of those students who has always been good at almost all subjects and who never had one stick out. I frequently have small (or large) mental break downs or freak outs where I question everything I have ever done. And each time, I just destress and push it back for future-Sophia to deal with. I know that isn’t healthy, but I don’t know what else to do. Every time I ask for help, people just as me the same questions as before. I’ve even taken personality test and none of them have helped me either.

Maybe you’re in the same boat as me, or maybe you’ve never been good at or liked any specific subject. Just know that you aren’t alone and there are many other people who don’t know what they are doing either.

So here I am (or here we are), with everything as one big question mark.