I have spent a good amount of the last four years living abroad, and in traveling I have realized I always carry with me an indescribable emptiness, a void that can only be referred to as homesickness. After years of dealing with this feeling, trying endlessly different ways on how to feel better about being away from home, all the puzzle pieces came together and something clicked.
First, it was noticing what made me homesick. What did I truly miss? I have the strongest support system in my family, and whenever I was away, I felt I lost that. I tried to compensate with having tons and tons of friends. However, that was futile. Superficial relationships like that only led me to feel like I was hollow, carved open; exposed vulnerable for all to see without any comfort to ease my restless nights.
Second, once I acknowledged having a support system was the key, I realized why I stopped feeling that way recently. I have better friendships now than I have had in a long time. My teammates have become like family, and without the fear of being looked down upon, I feel genuinely happy about spending time with people who have my back.
Lastly, I was being weighed down by fear. Fear about loving people. I had denied myself from feeling strongly about someone in a while, always haunted by the possibility that I was faking my emotions in search for a way to cure my loneliness. But that is not the case anymore .There's no insecurity, or voids to fill, or loneliness. I am content with everything life has given me right now, so my feelings for a potential significant other are simply my desire to share this happiness with that special someone.
That’s when I realized, undoubtedly, one truth: love is a choice.
1. When love is a choice, it is not a way to stop feeling lonely.
You are okay being alone. You just know that sharing the quiet with someone is nice, too. You understand that you are being cherished, but that you are also cherishing someone, too.
2. When love is a choice, you are free.
You choose that person every day. You chose to smile beside them. Cry beside them. Get angry beside them. Be anxious beside them. Be vulnerable, exposed. It's a choice to trust that you can be yourself.
3. When love is a choice, it's like icing on the cake.
Your life is already being built all by yourself, but to be able to tell someone about the progress you made in your projects or the things that brightened your day, that's the extra something you find the most satisfying to share. You can be independent, but leaning and being sure someone is there to be your pillar of strength is reassuring.
4. When love is a choice, it accepts you.
It won't judge you. It feels like reaching a comfortable home when you didn't even realize you had been looking for a place to rest. It calms and soothes you.
5. When love is a choice, the little things are everything.
Time continues to pass by and the universe may keep on expanding. None of these things stop for the sake of love, but in your tiny world, everything has shifted. And the little things are what show you care for your significant other.
6. When love is a choice, it helps you grow.
It helps your significant other grow. You push each other to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. You rely on each other for doubts and anxieties and you are also there to readily share opportunities and exciting adventures. A blanket of security that wraps around your mischievous child inside.
7. When love is a choice, you realize it is good.
It is healthy. You hold onto a connection, a common ground, and embrace the other person's flaws. And holding on, and maintaining this, you remind your significant other of a firm believe that they already know themselves: "you are worthy".
