Here I am, just casually enjoying my day, cruising the internet for the latest updates when it pops up: "Our little family is expanding by two feet!" Now this isn't my first rodeo with people who have children young, but it is with those I consider to be closer to. Suddenly the world feels like everyone is moving on and it's only a matter of time before good friends begin to get engaged, married, full time jobs, and actually grow up. Either way I was immediately launched into a panic, an unidentifiable existential crisis. This election is the first presidential election I am legally able to vote in. Shouldn't there be a time of existing as an "adult" before settling down?
Now that isn't to say all of these life changes aren't exciting, the world is a screwed up place, but a baby will bring more light into it. Blossoming love and marriages are always reason to celebrate. Of course, graduating college for the real world is terrifying, but a momentous step to be trilled over. Just as a junior in college, I never imagined those steps yet. And that's what is scaring me.
I do not fear aging, I do not fear growing up. I fear getting there and not realizing what to do, how to do it, and that I will one day fail all expectations set by society. I'm sure everyone else is great at parenting, planning weddings, and working 9-5 jobs, but I am not there yet. I'm only 21, still live in my mother's house, and work approximately 4 times a week.
What am I supposed to be doing right now? Tomorrow? In the next five years? I can't even handle my own taxes, nonetheless figuring out how to care for another human life. I will gladly celebrate another's happy life, marriages, babies, careers. But I am already a mess without compounding that. Plus I really enjoy eating what I want to, drinking what I enjoy, and not needing to answer questions in regards to my credit card balance.