Ever since Beyonce announced her pregnancy with twins, Hollywood has been getting really weird. Before Beyonce, no one had ever been pregnant. I mean, Irina Shayk, but who even is she? Beyonce essentially invented pregnancy and she’s certainly the first recorded woman to have twins. This is a fact.
And so, following in the footsteps of Beyonce, Hollywood is proving that they are all members of the Beyhive.
In the days since Beyonce’s announcement, a bunch of celebs have announced that, in some way, shape, or form, they’re having kids. And it’s the kinds of celebs who don’t seem like they would be having kids—and I have to wonder (as a journalist and a human) if there is some larger conspiracy going on.
First, Beyonce announces her pregnancy with twins (tentatively titled by me as “Hexagon Truth” and “Lilac Monet”—cute names, right?). Then comedian/actress/podcaster Chelsea Peretti debuts her baby bump in a series of Instagrams.
This isn’t that weird but I just like her a lot. Also, she was hit by a bus in the season finale of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and I’m wondering if this is the reason why. So that happened.
Then it comes to light that Madonna is adopting twin girls from Malawi. Twins. This is adorable, but also Madonna is 58 and already has four kids (Lourdes, Rocco, Mercy and David). You wouldn’t necessarily assume that she would become a parent again.
Then Rosie Huntington-Whiteley announces she’s pregnant. This is interesting to no one but me, but she’s engaged to Jason Statham (a hot) and they dated FOREVER and then have been engaged FOREVER so I kind of assumed that if they were going to have a baby it would’ve happened already. So…freaky.
The freakiest of all.
George and Amal Clooney are pregnant WITH TWINS. Allegedly it’s a boy and a girl, but I haven’t seen that confirmed. Now, THIS is freaky. George Clooney is 55, and before Amal swore that he would never get married and be a quintessential bachelor. So then he gets married, and we’re all, like, WHAT? NOW HE IS GOING TO BE A FATHER. And the fact that it’s twins is just too cosmic to not read into.
So why is everyone in Hollywood having twins? Are they prepping for something that the rest of the world hasn’t been clued in on? There is a larger conspiracy at work here, and I feel like I’m just grazing the edges. And if I suddenly disappear, it’s because Hollywood has figured out that I’m onto them. But this is a truth too important to hide under a bushel, you guys.