I always knew I had anxiety. I use to practice my introduction to myself on the first day of school, and sometimes hesitate to raise my hand in case I was wrong and people would make fun of me. I have definitely made great improvements in taking more risks and allowing myself to be more present at the moment than regretting I didn't say something when I had the chance.
However, my anxiety has seemed to manifest into something else know that I'm in college.
My high school experienced sucked. I got caught up in petty drama like most high school girls, and frankly, I was just trying to get through that chapter of my life. I tried just to be as friendly as possible, but I know I let people walk all over me. Since freshman year of high school, I always knew I was meant to be somewhere else, so I worked hard to get to where I am now. I mean, I live in North Philadelphia and attend a great university.
Of course, the transition from high school to college wasn't the easiest. I contemplated if I should transfer back home because I did miss the very little interaction I had with people my own age. I thought I took too big of a risk because only four people moved out of Western PA, and I had my own former classmates telling me that, "oh, you'll end up transferring back home because you'll hate it" or some variation of, "you're a New Castle kid, and New Castle kids stay in New Castle."
I did work to find a way to make Temple University work for me. I ended up dropping from an e-board position of a student org that I didn't fully believe in, and instead went out for formal recruitment for Greek life. Since then, I have gained friends who truly treat me the way a friend should rather than being used. I felt a great improvement in my mental health because I was surrounded by so many positive, energetic people. I never envisioned myself in a sorority, but it proved to be the best decision for me.
And since then, my life has only continued to get better. I finally got knee surgery for my torn ACL, became the editor in chief for my Odyssey community, and now living with roommates who are pretty awesome. I know it's only getting better from here, or at least I have that mentality on my good days.
When my anxiety kicks in, however, I forget all of that. High school for me was a whole chapter filled with so many bad memories with only a handful of good ones. I dreaded waking up every morning because I, honestly, hated most of the people I went to school with. I was miserable, and it seemed one bad thing was happening after the next.
My anxiety has tricked me into believing it's all going to go bad, and it will be all my fault. I overanalyze the interactions I have with people because I become convinced people either feel sorry for me or just hate me. I know I had people in my life who want me around, but I begin to question everything.
I've thought about why I decided to come to Temple University, and really if it's the best fit for me.
I begin to question why I received a bid from my sorority because I sometimes feel like I don't fit in at all.
I also believe all my friends hate me or just annoyed by me, and don't know how to get rid of me.
However, I know it's just my anxiety. I still have bad days, but it isn't like in high school where I seemed miserable during the week.
My anxiety has just gotten the better of me recently, and I know I can overcome it.