Alright, ladies, we've all heard it before. "You throw like a girl!" or "Aww, did you break a nail?" Well, I'm going to break down all the pains and problems that females face on a day to day basis. (Also to the boys who use these products and methods.) These are lady problems no one seems to understand.
Breaking a nail.
This is the most common mockery. Let's break it down. Acrylic nails. First they shave down your real nail to almost one layer and then they super glue the tip onto the soft, sensitive and bare nail. Then they cover it with that magic hardening stuff that makes it look really nice. So now we have all these products on top of your basically naked nail.
Now tell me why breaking a nail is considered no big deal when you are literally ripping layers of hardened, super-glued products off your barely existent finger nail. Of course, breaking real nails hurts just as bad. There's a torture device that rips off fingernails. So when someone breaks their nail, they are at risk of tearing off their finger nails. That sh*t hurts.
Periods.
Here we go, another girl whining about her period — boohoo, you bleed for a week. Well I'm about to give you the harsh reality. We all know that the worst part about periods is the cramps: your abdominal muscles betray you and your insides feel like they're trying to kill you. And it's about to get a lot worse. Dr. Oz once demonstrated why women usually have bowel issues (a polite way of saying the sh*ts): it's because the cramps actually cause contractions in your intestines, which leads to an upset stomach. Bleeding for five to seven days straight is reason enough not to mock this lady problem, but that's just the icing on top of the cake you're probably going to eat because of period cravings.
Hair removal.
Legs, under arms, thighs, bikini, toes, upper lip, eyebrows. Did I forget anything? I respect the whole hippie, free feminism, no-shave movement, but I'm Italian — your girl would be mistaken for Bigfoot if she didn't take care of all that. It's a damn work out to cover all these areas in one shower session. Do you know how many times I've only shaved one leg?
Also, the products to remove hair all hurt; shaving causes cuts and razor burn; waxing is self torture; laser is expensive; and creams burn if you leave them on for 10 seconds too long. Showers are supposed to be relaxing — not a game of operation in which the buzzer goes off every time you nick yourself. Just wear pants until May.
Clothing.
No one ever says, "Wow, my underwire bra is so comfortable!" I really don't think people who don't wear bras understand how painful bras can be. God bless the itty bitty titty committee who can live a free and open life. Anyone bigger than a B cup understands that, without a bra, we will have breasts down to our knees. That's why we endure the tight clasps and the popping wires; all for that sweet relief when we come home.
And if you don't wear a bra while exercising you can tear breast tissue. I once heard that stockings used to be made of indestructible material, but that, because they could be worn for so long, the sales went down. So they made the stockings into more rip-able material. Whoever came up with that idea: f*ck you — you owe me hundreds of dollars worth of stockings. You're the reason I always have to shave my legs when I rip my only pair.
That's all she wrote. I'm sure there are many more lady problems that we face on a day to day basis, but I think I've covered the main bulk of them. So stay strong ladies, and don't let anyone give you any sh*t about your problems.
