I'm A Hypocrite (And So Are You)
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Student Life

I'm A Hypocrite (And So Are You)

And so is everybody you know.

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I'm A Hypocrite (And So Are You)

Look, it's time to face facts. We all say things we don't mean. We all make plans we have no intentions of keeping. And we all give advice that we don't plan on following ourselves. It's human. It's common practice. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. Because you can be a hypocrite as long as you're honest about it... Right? ...RIGHT!?

Here are a couple examples of lies I tell myself and other people. Therefore proving I am a fully self aware hypocrite. If you can relate to any of these scenarios, then you are, too.


Me: Saving money is easy! Don't buy things you don't need. You'd be amazed at how steadily your bank account increases if you only spend money on the essentials – food, bills, and hygiene.

Also me: I'm gonna spend $4 a day on coffee, $10 on a fast food lunch, and $70 on a new outfit and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me. I'll get another paycheck in a week or two, so it's fine!

Me: Dump! Them! I know it's hard but the most important relationship you have is with yourself! Don't let them do you wrong, have some self respect! There are plenty of fish in the sea. Worry. About. Yourself.

Also me: Oh you cheated on me, burned my house down, kidnapped my dog, stole all my money, and are secretly a drug lord? It's okay! I forgive you! Where do you wanna get brunch?

Me: Be patient! The right job is right around the corner. Trust me, everything will work out in the end. Not getting this job means that an even better job is out there waiting for you. Dreams change all the time, you'll land something you're happy with soon enough.

Also me: HIRE ME. I'll take anything! I just want to work! I need something to give my life meaning! ANYTHING!

ALSO also me: Only $13 an hour? Pass.

Me: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I know it's a cliche, but it's true. Eating healthy gives you more energy, keeps you emotionally at ease, and is a lot easier than people think!

Also me: Hi, Dominos? I have a couple coupons for buy one large pizza, get one free. I'll have the first one with sausage and pepperoni, the second one with black olives and extra cheese, the third one with mushrooms and green peppers, and the fourth one just a white pizza with broccoli and no sauce. #TeamFit

Me: Waking up early has so many proven benefits! You have more time for a well-balanced breakfast, can beat the crowd at your favorite coffee shop, won't get stuck in rush hour traffic, and are generally more productive.

Also me: I've decided I'm only going to wake up 9 minutes before I have to be out the door. That gives me enough time to get dressed and walk to my car. There's no such thing as a "good" morning.

Me: Oh my gosh! I haven't seen you since high school! We should totally catch up some time over drinks and chips.

Also me: I would rather literally saw off three of my fingers than hang out with anyone I haven't seen in eight years.

Me: Idk I'm not super into today's music. Lady Gaga is soOoOo overrated. Justin Timberlake is generic now. And we all know The Weeknd is secretly a huge jerk.

Also me: I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE WHEN I'M WITH YOU!! BUT I LOVE IT!

Don't worry. Everybody lies to themselves to a certain degree. It's normal, and it's something about yourself you should be able to laugh off. We know the wisdom we impart is easier said than done, which is why it's so much simpler to dish out than to apply to our own lives. The best piece of advice I can give you is to just own your hypocrisy. And that's advice I'm not going to be a hypocrite about.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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