You’re nervous. You’re scared. You feel like you’re losing control.

The Sadie Hawkins Dance is coming up, and there’s no one you want to go with. However, there are half a dozen girls ready to go with you, and now your every waking moment is spent with the gnawing apprehension of being accosted by a sweet girl who you like as a friend and value as a person and who you think would be a wonderful date for somebody else.

You picture her looking at you with big, hopeful eyes and you cringe as you imagine shattering the confidence she worked up to ask you to go with her. But as hard as you try, you simply can’t bring yourself to like her, and with cliché it’s-not-you-I’m-just-a-horrible-match language, you turn her down. One down, five to go… sigh.

Or you really like one particular girl—from afar. You know there’s only a miniscule chance of her asking you, but you’ve been holding out for her. But alas, the girl that you are really good friends with asks you three weeks before the dance! Do you accept and wonder what could have happened with the girl you didn’t wait for? Or do you turn down the friend who already asked you and possibly end up with no date at all?

And then there’s the girl who’s oblivious or scared. You’ve admired her from the first day you met. Your preferences seem to run parallel in everything, and you would do anything to make her happy. All you want is a couple of hours to talk with her, but she hasn’t said a word about the dance. You think she’s oblivious, but what if she’s just too nervous to ask you?

Possibilities fill your mind. Yes, the girl is supposed to ask but we all have weak moments. If she’s really too afraid of rejection to ask you, is it worth missing a potential relationship because of a stupid tradition? Should you just buck conformity and ask her to go?

But what if that’s a turn-off to her? What if she would have asked you, but your forwardness in asking for a date made her feel like she missed out on pursuing you, and now she wants someone else who’s harder to get? Should you maintain your assigned role of waiting to be asked? Or should you take the opportunity to show your interest before she’s gone forever?

Or maybe you haven’t been asked to go at all, and the dance is really soon (as in this evening). This one can be a little disheartening, but it doesn’t mean you’re not attractive or likeable. Maybe the girl you’re hoping to become more than friends with just wants to stay friends a little longer before making it “dance official.” Or maybe the right girl is out there somewhere, and you just haven’t met her yet. Either way, don’t let it get you down.

Guys, I get it. I’m a girl, but because of our societies’ gender roles, this is what every girl goes through before every dance any other time of the year. I know it’s hard, and sometimes there’s really no perfect solution, but we girls have been dealing with these problems since the beginning of time. Take it from us: you won’t die. In fact, it’s a win-win situation: you’ll get a crash course in tactful communication if you have to turn someone down, and you may end up enthusiastically saying yes!