This past Saturday, in a tradition as old as the running of the bulls, hundreds of Rice students doffed their sweat pants and donned their classiest formalwear. Pried away from their mountains of homework and hours of extracurriculars, they were drawn out into the cold night. What glimmering beacon of hope spurred them on?
Esperanza.
The culmination of a week of homecoming events, Rice’s fall formal is heralded as a night of glamour, sophistication, and free food. After last year’s phenomenal Night at the Museum (complete with karaoke in the Hall of Gems and Minerals, and boogieing with dinosaurs all night), people held high hopes for this year’s Esperanza.
Even if you are Cinderella herself, formals come with a certain set of expectations. We all hope for that fabled, fairy-tale evening, but reality doesn't always play along. For better or for worse, here's Esperanza: Expectation vs. Reality.
1. Expectation:
The morning of Esperanza, you expect to wake up looking your slimmest and sveltest self.
Reality:
Instead, you tend to feel more like this:
2. Expectation:
You'll plan out your day – soothing walk in the morning, nails in the afternoon, plenty of time to prepare in the evening.
Reality:
You still have as much homework as any other day, so instead you feel like this:
3. Expectation:
Getting ready with your friends will be a breeze. You’ve even got the perfect playlist to pregame to.
Reality:
Your nail polish chips on … everything.
4. Expectation:
You'll pull out your makeup bag, make some movie magic, and come out looking like this:
Reality:
You make a last-minute trip to Target to stock up on missing supplies and end up looking more like this:
5. Expectation:
You've found the perfect dress, the one that makes you feel like a million bucks. Nothing can go wrong with this outfit.
Reality:
You step outside, and suddenly Houston has become Hoth.
6. Expectation:
You make it to Sally Port, ready for the chariot of charter buses to take you to the dance.
Reality:
You have to wait in a soul-and-toe-crushing mob for an hour before you can be crammed into an isle, standing-room only.
7. Expectation:
You made it to the dance! Time to explore the venue and par-tayyy.
Reality:
Welcome to the crowded room in which you will spend the next four hours of your life.
8. Expectation:
This will be the classiest event of the year. You can't wait to see your friends looking like movie stars.
Reality:
Shield your bleeding eyes. You feel like a conservative octogenarian surrounded by bikini-clad coeds. If you had a penny for every belly-button neckline, you would be as rich as Hugh Hefner.
9. Expectation:
You will eat like a king.
Reality:
They've run out of all the highly advertised cake pops before you arrive. (Except for at check in, where all of the RPC reps magically have entire plates full.) Beware of the mysterious dips to go with the ever-so-classy chips. In the dark, sour tomato paste looks uncannily like delicious ground beef.
10. Expectation:
Libations will be flowing all night long.
Reality:
There isn't even water. (And who serves iced tea at a dance?)
11. Expectation:
You and your friends will party it up all night long.
Reality:
Through all the twists and turns, you and your friends truly do make memories of a lifetime.
