Yesterday evening, I was talking to my best friend about love, relationships, our afterlife, and God—because the first half is exactly what all girl best friends talk about when they are together, just letting you all know—and the idea of “eros” came up in our conversation.
We are both Christians who study and seek to glean truth and wisdom from the Bible, so I will be arguing and thinking from the before mentioned mindset.
Puzzled by these concepts, we began asking each other existential questions. This was our train of thought;
“What will our earthly relationships look like when we get to Heaven?”
“When we are in Heaven, will we know or even love our significant other from earth?”
“If we won’t be unified with our significant other in Heaven, then what was the point of loving them on earth?”
“What is the point of being allowed eros love on earth if it will be painful to think that you won’t always love your spouse because your priorities will shift dramatically in Heaven?”
“Why do we have eros love?”
…you get the point. Some of the questions we asked we already had strong opinions on or just wanted to discuss ideas, but the over-arching question still stands…
Why allow yourself to willingly enter into a relationship where you pursue eros if it hurts to think about never loving your significant other when you’re living in the afterlife?
First, I think we ought to define the four types of love, then expound specifically on eros.
Storge - Affection
“The Greeks called this love storge…My Greek Lexicon defines storage as ‘affection, especially of parents to offspring’; but also of offspring to parents” (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 31).
Philia - Friendship
Philia love is defined as “friendship” in the New Testament Greek Lexicon (Thayer and Smith, www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/nas/philia....).
Eros - Venus
“By Eros I mean of course that state which we call ‘being in love’…This is quite true as regards human sexuality in general…The carnal or animally sexual element within Eros, I intend (following an old usage) to call Venus. And I mean by Venus what is sexual not in some cryptic or rarefied sense—such as a depth-psychologist might explore—but in a perfectly obvious sense; what is known to be sexual by those who experience it; what could be proved to be sexual by the simplest observations” (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 91-92).
Agape - Charity
Agape love is defined as “brotherly love, affections, good will, love, benevolence” in the New Testament Greek Lexicon (Thayer and Smith, www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/kjv/agape.h...).
So I’m going to point out the elephant in the room because our society is often very “hush hush” about this topic. We will touch on sexuality and sex (within a Christian marriage).
God originally gave humans sex because we are relational beings, and so that we could populate the earth (Genesis 2:18, 4:1). Sex became more popularly talked about in the New Testament;
“But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:2-5).
*Before I make any comments, can we all just take a hot minute to appreciate how brutally honest and blunt Paul is about his opinions? It's fabulous.* Just a few verses before these, Paul talks about using our body to glorify God, as it has been bought with a price and is no longer ours, but God’s (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If a husband and wife are glorifying God with their bodies, then they will in fact, be sexually unified as well as spiritually unified (7:3-4, 5ab).
This is where we talk about eros love.
Yes, sex has been abused in so many ways and I believe it to be unlawful and sinful when done in the wrong context, but we will not go into that entire issue. I want to try to stay on topic about why we ought to allow ourselves to partake in eros love within the confines of Christian marriage.
God has told man and woman that we should not be alone in the Old Testament, likewise this value is reinforced in the New Testament. God has given us the ability to be physically unified with another person because He wants to bless us.
“Those who see love as only sex or mainly sex do not, quite simply, know what love is. They are the blind man assuming that the trunk of the elephant—or perhaps the phallus—is the whole creature. Sex is merely part of a greater thing. To be in love, as to see beauty, is a kind of adoring that turns the lover away from self” (Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy, 43).
I believe Vanauken hits it on the nose here. Sex ought to be performed as an act of service, for the other spouse, but it is not the whole of a relationship. There is more depth, intimacy and purpose in a relationship, than just the physical side. Sex, I guess, is just the cherry on top. For example, you order an ice cream sundae, not one cherry on top of several scoops of ice cream.
But still, why continue if we will only be able to love one person in that way for a handful of years on earth?
I believe God uses eros to show us how He wants to love us.
“Sexual desire, without Eros, wants it, the thing in itself [sex]; Eros wants the Beloved” (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 94).
God wants the beloved. We are His beloved.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7-8)
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience…” (Colossians 3:12).
*This applies to all who have been in a relationship or mutually liked someone*
Okay, so I will not deny that I enjoy a well-written chick-flick or two (or way more than two, but don’t judge me). I have it on good opinion that “P.S. I Love You” is a phenomenal chick-flick, which is great, because I am right about to quote it;
“I bet you've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? Yeah. I know that. I know what it is, not to feel like you're in the room, until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know...you're with him. You're his” (Patricia, P.S. I Love You).
Do you know that feeling? Where you feel special, loved, beautiful, validated, and important, because the your significant other is with you? That feeling where you don’t fully feel like you’re somewhere until he/or she looks at you? You don't feel safe or comfortable in your own skin, until their look or affection validates you.
I believe that God wants us to feel the same way about Him.
Similar to how we unify ourselves with a spouse, we ought to unify ourselves with the Lord. He dwells within Christians and yokes Himself to us.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
As Christians, we should feel special, loved, beautiful, validated, and important, because we have Christ dwelling within us. We should smile and feel comfortable, our source of this is always in the same room as us, because Christ is dwelling within us.
I believe this is why eros is essential, so that God could explain the depth and intimacy of His love for us in a humanly understandable way. This is why it is important to partake in eros love within the marital context, so that we could get a better understanding of how much God loves us.
So beloved, BE LOVED.
Citations:
Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves. (New York: Harcourt Inc., 1960), 31, 91-92, 94.
Thayer and Smith. Greek Lexicon entry for Philia: The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon (http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/nas/..., 1999), definition of Philia.
Thayer and Smith. Greek Lexicon entry for Agape: The KJV New Testament Greek Lexicon. (http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/kjv/...), definition of Agape.
New American Standard Bible. (Anaheim: Foundations Publications Inc., 1998), Genesis 2:18, 4:1, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, 6:19-20, 7:3-4, 5ab, 1 John 4:7-8, Colossians 3:12, Matthew 11:28-30.
Vanauken, Sheldon. A Severe Mercy. (New York: HarperCollins and HarperOne, 1977), 43.
LaGravenese, Richard, and Rogers, Steven, and Ahern, Cecelia. P.S. I Love You. Film. LaGravenese, Richard. (Warner Bros. Pictures and Momentum Pictures, 2007), quote by Patricia.
