Millennial Diaries: #Onlinedating

Millennial Diaries: #Onlinedating

"We can tell our parents we met at Starbucks" *uploads picture with a dog, flexing while holding a kid, and gym selfie*

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I asked more than 20 people as to why they would use online dating and which app satisfied their expectations. I expected them to mention Tinder as the holy grail for hookup culture and was surprised at the lesser known app circling app stores. I was surprised at the honesty and religious practice of swiping left and right at a gazillion faces during one's free time. The majority of people mentioned Tinder as their go-to place for finding a quick, no strings attached encounter with someone in their proximity and age range. Bumble came up second with a more 'feminist' approach of giving women the upper hand to shoot a message first, and having a 24 window to answer or the match would disappear. To which many women claimed they disliked because they wanted to be messaged first. Then, I came upon a couple of mentions about an app called "Hinge." This app became an outlier when analyzing the common apps Millennials use to meet up. Unlike Tinder and Bumble, this app excludes the common bio section and requires you to have six pictures, and answer a set of random questions that result in a magazine layout about you. The objective of this app is to give people the Tinder and Bumble effect in a more personalized manner. I asked the four people who mentioned Hinge about its possible perks over the latter, and they mentioned its flexibility for users. Hinge allows you to check out profiles without limiting them to your current location and avoids the cringe-inducing super like option. The downside, is that there is no filter to choose age range so you could either get teenagers or 50-year-olds wanting to match with you. Also, it lets you know who wants to match with you, without having to pay the extra fee Tinder and Bumble requires.

Setting that aside, I asked my online dating guinea pics about perks and annoyances of online dating, and the whys. After avoiding to answer my questions directly, I concluded most do so as a means of saving time and having the human menu at the swipe of a finger. Many of them rather get a feel of a person through text, and many admitted to wanting to stalk their potential lovers before meeting up in person. Being bored also played a major factor when Tinder users were asked why they liked the app. When it comes to pet peeves about the apps many had something to say:

Tinder:

"Guys always have a picture holding kids and writing in their bio "not my kids." But guys are not just the culprit in making Tinder a cringe worthy app, many users also reported giving an automatic no whenever someone makes up reviews about themselves as their bio. Also, out of the 24 people I questioned, 19 of them had been asked to send nudes on Tinder, and asked to follow accounts on Instagram.

Bumble:

"It's like Tinder, but with guys with degrees, so at least you know he's sort of smart." Other than giving women the upper hand, I must say upon comparing profiles on the different types of online dating platforms, Bumble had the most eye alluring profiles out of all. "You get the fuckboys with class."

Hinge:

On Hinge you get the hipster baristas and ivy leaguers with witty answers to questions and Chuck Bass facades. "You know what I love about Hinge? It makes guys say how tall they are." Chances are if you use Hinge and you're 5'9 like me, you get a forewarning of whether or not heels are allowed.

Bottom line, Millennial culture has surprisingly resorted to using online dating not necessarily for hookups (although many admitted they do), but also for the sake of meeting new people in general. Upon questioning my guinea pigs further, ironically, guys were much more hopeful about finding a potential girlfriend through online matches versus women who much rather meet a potential lover through mutual friends.

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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To The Guy Who Told Me Not To Be Me, Nice Try

He will not silence me.

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He told me to never cut my hair short because it would make me look too masculine.

So, I sent him pictures of three different pixie cuts and asked him which one I should get.


He told me not to wear red lipstick because it made me look like a slut.

So, I bought every shade from blush rose to maroon.


He told me not to buy heels taller than one and a half inches tall because it's unattractive for a girl to be taller then the guy she is with.

My favorite shop was having a sell on a beautiful pair of three-inch stilettos. I bought them.


He told me that I was putting on a few extra pounds and that I shouldn't order dessert on our next dinner date.

Did he honestly think I would say no to the red velvet cake that our waitress offered?


He flirted with the waitress, saying that I should "look more like her."

I wrote down his number on our receipt before we left the restaurant.


He told me not to leave my "feminine products" on the counter because it's embarrassing.

When his friends came over for guys night, I organized my tampons and pads nicely on the bathroom shelf.


He told me that I couldn't talk to my best friend of 12 years because he was a guy.

I invited him to watch a movie with us at the local cinema the following week.


He told me not to order wine at the bar with him and his work friends because he didn't want me to seem "trashy."

I ordered jack and coke instead.


He told me not to be a feminist because it meant that I thought I was better than him.

My new "GIRL PWR" shirt is my favorite.


He told me to be silent.

He told me that I think too much and that I speak what I think too often.

He told me nobody cares about what I have to say.

He told me that the things I say don't matter.


So, I wrote a poem about him.

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