If you are familiar at all with the Meyer's Briggs personality types, then you probably know what you are in terms of the spectrum. If not, take the test and see what you are! Although there are going to be variances and this really isn't a hard science, I find that being able to know my friend's types and mine helps me love and care for people better.
ENTJ. The Executive. What an intimidating title. I am only slightly more of a T (thinker) than an F (feeler) but in a normal day to day, I usually operate as an ENTJ and reserve my ENFJ qualities for my most intimate of relationships. Those intimate relationships, in the beginning, however, are still going to operate much differently than a classic Feeler relationship. Here's what you need to know about how T's operate in terms of that word that makes us grimace....."Feelings."
We never really feel in love. GASP! HORROR! This is probably one of the hardest things for those with an F trait to fully comprehend. For most F types (I've been told), you can just ask yourself, "do I love this person?" and be able to answer based off of your feelings. Or, you may not even have to ask yourself that, you just know. Because you feeeeellllll it. For Ts, figuring out if we feel love towards someone is a much more complex marathon to run, and honestly, sometimes comes back inconclusive. To know if I love someone, instead of turning to feelings, I turn to my actions. You see, for those who are driven by logic, thought, and knowledge, love is pretty strictly a verb. So to decide if we are in love, we look at our actions. Unfortunately for you if you're not an action person, we look at yours to determine if you love us as well...because, well, actions are logical. Feelings are terrifying because they are illogical. So, if you are an F interested in a T, here are some of the things to look for and be aware of.
1) We spend an exponentially higher amount of time with you than anyone else. We are go-getters and researchers, so if we see potential in you as a suitable partner, we're going to spend the amount of time needed to figure things out. Giving us time is one of the best ways to communicate that you care for us too.
2) We're not going to waste our valuable time on something that isn't going anywhere. We will be quick to end things if there isn't a future in sight, and if you ask, will give you a long list of "why" because the reality is, in order to come to that decision, a list was made and it just logically made sense to end things.
3) We try and problem solve your life. If we care for you, we will try and encourage and help you fix any areas of improvement or problems in your life. Looking for a job? We are less likely to listen to how that makes you feel and more likely to call all of our contacts and introduce you to many possible employers.
4) We are incredibly loyal. Because of this, we start to notice we don't notice other men/women. We are very aware of how serious commitment is, and may ask a lot of questions about you to determine if you are as committed as we are.
5) Even if we can't identify the feelings we have, they are still there.They pop up in the most inconvenient ways sometimes. Look for a smile, a look, a laugh, a touch. Trust me, they scar--I mean surprise us just as much as they surprise you.
6) Be bold and upfront with us. We appreciate honesty and candor, so if you are unsure about where we stand, ask! We will answer honestly and will think more highly of you for asking! (It shows you too are taking an investigative effort into this relationship).
Whatever you do, don't take things lightly. One of the scariest things for an T personality is to actually realize they have feeeeellinnngsss for someone *grimace*. It's not that we think they're inherently bad, we have just learned over time that emotions are fickle, unstable and illogical, and logic is the one thing that stands over time. So don't just tell us you love us, or how great we are. Yes we'll appreciate it, but when things get tough, we will worry if you'll stay with us, and we'll look to your actions and create a case of why you will or won't stay. We fall in love very rarely and it is a very thought out action. Do not waste our time, and I promise we won't waste yours. We will be enthusiastic and adventuresome, we will get to know everything about you, we will be genuinely interested in your thoughts and ideas, we will help you develop your passions and help you achieve them, we will learn from our mistakes (and yours) and move on from them a better person. Finally, given time to build trust, we are extremely affectionate and sentimental. If you see this side of us, you can fully trust that we are, in fact, in lov--logically attracted to your attributes.
For more information, here's a fun link: https://www.personalitypage.com/ENTJ_rel.html
(This message has been approved by other T's even though it is written by an ENTJ and there can be great variances among the combinations)
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