Recently I finished reading "It Ends with Us" by Colleen Hoover. Colleen is one of my favorite authors and after reading a few of her previous books, I was excited to see her newest book was recently released. I have to admit I was expecting something very different from this book, and I was definitely not expecting it to impact me so much.
In a short summary, the book is based around a girl named Lily who grew up in an abusive home. She promises herself that she would never settle for the abuse her mother did, that is, until she meets Ryle. Ryle is a successful neurosurgeon. Smart, charming, and incredibly handsome, Ryle is the perfect man, that is, until Lily realizes his abusive side. Ryle would lose his temper and hit or push Lily, and she'd forgive him, promising that he'd change and that he was the love of her life. What she didn't realize is that she became the victim of the vicious cycle that is abuse.
Throughout the novel I couldn't help but find myself blaming Lily. Ryle would show himself to be a bad person yet she stuck around. And what for? Lily found herself heart broken and mentally exhausted, yet she ran back to the same situation that was causing her trouble. But the more I read on, the more I understood the depth behind abusive relationships.
The truth is, when you love someone, it's hard to forgive actions as big as abuse. It's easy to lash out on someone and promise them you'll never do it again. It's even easier to believe that person when they mean the world to you. It's difficult to understand someone when they constantly forgive their abuser. When you're in the relationship, you feel and see things differently than the people watching on the sidelines.
Colleen did a wonderful job portraying the difficulty of leaving your abuser. She not only did that through her narration, but she did it by placing the reader in Lily's shoes. As I read, I fell more and more in love with Ryle. He was funny, charming, and had so many things going for him. His relationship with Lily was great until he began to lash out. It was heartbreaking to see the person he was being and how he treated Lily, knowing the great man he was at the beginning of the book.
That's how it is in real life. When something horrible happens, we tend to look to the positive and convince ourselves that it can be worse. And it can, but that doesn't mean the cycle cannot and should not be broken. It's hard to let go of someone we love when they hurt us because we know that's not their only side. They make us feel loved, significant, and saying goodbye is harder than it seems.
If you find yourself in a pattern of abuse, remember that no matter how much you love that person, it is not good for you to stick around. People change and it is not up to you to try to change them. Offer people your help, but don't but yourself in a dangerous situation. Always, always ask for help.
