This past April 2nd was my “Gotcha Day” which basically means I was adopted on that date into this family I have now. This is who I know to be my family. This is my family.
I have a lot to say on this topic so if y’all are standing, take a seat.
What is Adoption?
Adoption has numerous definitions, some of them including:
“the action or fact of adopting or being adopted”
“that child moves permanently from one family to another family”
“a legal process which permanently gives parental rights to adoptive parents”
“a legally recognized, lifelong relationship between a parent and child”
The word “adoption” is derived from Latin meaning “to choose” or “choosing.”
“What kind of Asian are you?”
I was born in Vietnam, I’m Asian, but I’m not Chinese, I’m not Japanese, I’m not Korean. Don’t confuse the word “Asian” with “Chinese” because there are more countries than China in the continent of Asia, all unique to their different cultures. (Don’t be ignorant). This ties hand in hand with sly racist remarks like, assuming I’m good at Math or can teach you how to use chopsticks. (Honestly, my friends who are Italian taught me to use chopsticks when I was eighteen years old). My boyfriend told me that he didn’t realize how backhandly racist people can be until he started dating me. Not everything I do pertains to my race. My race is not “why racism exists.” And yes, I can actually see even though my eyes are a little bit more slanted than yours.
My parents didn’t fly all the way to Vietnam, adopt me, and fly all the way back for you to make racist remarks.
“No, I mean your actual mom”
This one just continues to appall me on a daily basis. I had a kid text me when I was in high school saying, “at least my mom is my actual mom.”
I wish someone videotaped my face because using my mother AND the fact that I was adopted as an insult is absolutely disgusting. By that, you mean the mother who raised me into the woman I am today? Yeah, that’s my actual mom. No, I have never told her “you’re not my real mom” because the truth of the matter is, she is. Before Caleb, I was the greatest blessing to my family. My mother had lost two babies before adopting me. Two twin babies before adopting me, I was all they had. I don’t think I could ever willingly face my mother and tell her that she’s not my real mom. I do have a birth mom and no, I have never planned on contacting her because I don’t know where she is or what she’s doing. Frankly, I don’t care. This life I have now is guaranteed so much greater than the one my birth mother could have provided me. Even though I will never know what traits my birth mother has given me (no medical records were present at the time of adoption), I do know the traits my mother has given me. She always tells me that I have to be like somebody!
Adoption is subjective
As previously stated, I was born in Vietnam and adopted six months later. This means I was about six months old when I was brought back over to the United States. I, as of right now, have no desire to come into contact with my birth mother if she is still alive. I have other friends who are adopted, however, who struggle so much more with not knowing about their actual birth parents. I know that my birth mother did the best she could but couldn’t do it all. I ask my mom all the time why she thinks I was put up for adoption. Some of those reasons include too many children, too poor, or that I had a cleft lip when I was born. My family has never made me feel like I don’t belong because I am just as much their child as my younger brother is. I do not have an attachment or am sensitive to the fact that my birth mother “gave me up” because without that, I wouldn’t have the amazing, crazy life I do now. Some children are sensitive to the fact that they were “given up” by their birth mothers. So some advice from your friendly, neighborhood adoptee: don’t be ignorant and ask sincere questions if you’re genuinely curious about adoption or what it's like being adopted.
Every parent does what is best for their child and being “put up” for adoption just happened to work out in my favor.
So don’t be ignorant and stay educated with facts on what adoption actually means.
I have never been so happy that something in my life happened the way it did because, without it, I wouldn’t be where I am, achieving and succeeding.
I am grateful.
