Anthony, yesterday you turned ten. While you shrugged it off like it was no big deal, I know you were thinking the same thing the rest of us were thinking: A whole decade! There’s a lot to learn in ten years, and although I know I still have many lessons to be taught, I wanted to pass on to you ten of the major things I have learned each year of the past decade.

Year 1

Six days after I turned nine, God blessed our family with a squishy, alien looking baby boy, and that was you. Frighteningly small, but with large curious eyes, you brought life into our family. My grandparents had someone young to care for. My sisters and I had a little one to take under our wings. The fact that you were born, blessed everyone around you. If you ever doubt yourself, remember that every person in this family, even though we joke around with you, has been incredibly blessed by you. You are a gift from God, and we will never stop thanking him for you.

Year 2

When I was your age, I discovered something quite brutal. People are mean. As much as I wish otherwise, I know that you will face this same meanness in your life—and probably already have. When people are mean, I want you to remember two things: first, that everyone is broken, and second, that you don’t have to be a jerk to the jerks. When I was in fifth grade, I was hurt and angry and I wrote a very nasty note to someone who I believed had done a great evil to me. This person’s hurtful actions and my own hurtful actions were all a result of pain on the inside. Remember that your bullies have hearts too, and they probably ache just as much as yours. Remember that although it’s harder, it will always be the better to respond with kindness.

Year 3

At eleven, my family moved out of the “family house” where all of the cousins and grandparents gathered under one roof. Where was my little shadow when I woke up in the morning? Across town in a different home. By the end of the week, you were at our house for the weekend. No matter how far we moved from each other, we were still family. You were still my little shadow, my little brother.

Year 4

By twelve, you’ll learn the brutal truth that will consume most of your second decade of life, everyone has an awkward stage. When I was twelve, I was adorned with braces, greasy Spock-bangs, and oversized t-shirts. Trust me, I understand the awkward stage. Right now, you’ve still got the kid-cuteness on your side. But give it a couple of years and you’ll be awkward like the rest of us were. Fear not. Everyone is awkward when you’re twelve.

Year 5

I’m going to be honest, thirteen was a rough year. God-willing, your year thirteen will look different from mine. Regardless, here’s my small word of wisdom for you. People will let you down, that’s just what we do sometimes. We can’t help it, we’re flawed people. When my parents divorced at thirteen, it was really hard for me to keep from begrudging them, and I often failed. If I can advise you to do anything different from what I did at thirteen, I’m going to encourage you to remember that people aren’t perfect, and it’s best to forgive them when they let you down. Let’s face it, we’re all bound to let someone down eventually.

Year 6

Fourteen is quite possibly one of the most terrifying and exciting years of the next decade—exciting because you’re starting high school, terrifying because how the heck does one navigate the next four years? Here’s what I have to offer for your freshman year; do your best in school, and find friends who like you as you are. I could tell you to get involved, which I’m sure is great advice. But quite frankly, I wasn’t involved in a single thing my freshman year and I turned out fine. Find yourself and be that person.

Year 7

At fifteen, that’s when I’ll tell you to get involved. There are going to be tons of options after school, but I’m not just talking about school. Get involved in your community. Engage in interesting conversations with your family. I guarantee you’ll still be trying to figure out who you are. Interacting with the world around you will help you to see where you stand and better understand your place in it.

Year 8

At sixteen, that’s when I started to see myself more clearly. The world is going to tell you that you need to be smarter and stronger. Everywhere you look, you’ll be reminded that your muscles need to be bigger, or that jawline needs to be fuller. I know you’ll deny any insecurities you have, that’s just how you are. Look in the mirror and remember who made you. Remember that regardless of what the world tells you, you are made well.

Year 9

Seventeen might very well be terrifying. People will ask you every other hour where you’re going to college and what you’re going to study, not to mention buttloads of homework. Don’t drown in the things everyone tells you is important. Yes, college is important. Yes, grades are important. But don’t forget to be who God created you to be throughout your process of figuring out your future. If you don’t get into that college, it’s not the end of the world. God will bring you where you need to be. Put your life in his hands and he’ll guide each of your steps along the way.

Year 10

For me, eighteen was only a year ago. Let me tell you, college is stressful but it’s worth it. But I don’t want to talk about that, not right now anyways. I want to remind you that your life is a blessing. I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes because I already said this in my first point, but hear me out. When you were born, your life blessed us. Now that you’re older, I want you to recognize that life was also a blessing given to you. When you were born, when you turned five, when you wake up every morning, it is God’s gift of life you are experiencing.

Life is a gift, so live and use it as if it is. Life isn’t about you. Accept the life you have with gratitude, and live even when it gets hard to convince yourself to keep going. It’s going to be hard, trust me. Don’t forget why you’re here and who put you here.