"You won't find love until you stop looking for it."
"You can't fall in love unless you're actively searching, going on dates, and gaining experience."
"You aren't finding anyone because your standards are too high, and you're too picky.
"Keep your standards high, otherwise you'll attract the wrong kind of people."
"Just keep waiting, eventually you'll find the one for you."
Every young, long-term single girl (like me) has been told each of these things before. Each is an opposite statement, but I've heard each piece of advice just as much as the next one. Sometimes I hear two contrasting options from the same person, sometimes even in the same conversation. These five phrases highlight just how frustrating being single can be in a day and age where everyone's looking to make you feel better about it.
I've always found it interesting how much people romanticize being in a relationship, and how abhorrent the idea of singleness is. More than once, I've told someone that I'm not in a relationship and they get this insane pitying expression on their face. The first words out of their mouth are "I'm sorry, you'll find someone."
They mean well but in reality, that's a wildly unhelpful thing to say. The effort that many people will go through to stop you from feeling bad about being single has ceased to surprise me and started to annoy me. Mostly because I don't feel bad about being single.
Some people reading this will inevitably be thinking, "But wait, I do feel bad about being single." I really want to stop you right there, and tell you that singleness is not a problem. It is not the negative alternative to being in a relationship, it is simply the stage of life that you're in. Obviously, we all want to end up with that perfect person and we dream of weddings, engagement rings, and fiftieth anniversaries. But please don't let yourself feel like the value of your life is measured by your significant other.
You as a person mean so much more than one romantic relationship. You are an amazing, beautiful, hilarious, kind and incredibly valuable person by yourself. You are whole, complete, and fulfilled person on your own, without anyone else making you so. The love of your life is not another human being, it's someone so much more than a boyfriend or girlfriend. God is sitting beside you, trying to make you see that he knows everything about you, knows every fault and thought, and still cherishes you beyond anything else.
There is always something more to learn about yourself, always something you can learn about the world, always something you can learn about God, and always something further you can learn about the people already around you. You are so capable and deserving of love, and absolutely nothing can change that. You are already leading a life full of love, not waiting to begin it. There is nothing wrong with you, and you aren't "less than" or "behind" your friends getting in relationships, getting engaged, and getting married.
The moment I realized all this is the moment I stopped feeling like single life was really just waiting for my life to begin. Yes, sometimes it still bums me out when I'm third wheeling with my friends yet again. And if I hear someone tell me "You just have to find your Boaz" one more time, I might still go insane. Even though navigating single life is frustrating, stressful, and confusing, it is not a less valuable life.
