How To Help Your Friend Struggling With A Mental Illness
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Encouraging People With Mental Illnesses To 'Reach Out' Doesn't Actually Help Them

When you already feel like a burden, reaching out is nearly impossible.

95
Encouraging People With Mental Illnesses To 'Reach Out' Doesn't Actually Help Them

About a year ago, I received a text from a "friend."

She and I hadn't spoken for about a month, mostly due to our busy schedules. It was right around midterms, and I was working two jobs and an internship. On top of that, I was struggling with an undiagnosed mental illness that caused me to distance myself very often.

Therefore, my social life was on the back burner.

Instead of asking me how I was or even saying "hello" for that matter, she asked, "why haven't you talked to me in over a month?"

She went off on a tangent about how I was obviously mad at her since I went "radio silent" despite a lack of communication from her end as well.

When I told her I was busy and battling a mental illness, she scolded me for not reaching out more.

Needless to say, that friendship didn't make it past college.

This conversation got me thinking. She clearly didn't mean well, but I thought about all the times I've heard people encourage those with mental illnesses to reach out and talk to someone.

Even though they mean well, it doesn't work like that, unfortunately.

I truly appreciate those who encourage people like me to reach out as it shows they care, but more than likely that won't actually happen.

From personal experience, I can tell you that having a mental illness distorts the world around you.

I've been battling my mental illness since I was three, but it truly began wreaking havoc on my life shortly after my 19th birthday. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at 22, which is a disorder known to affect one's self-image and relationships with others.

My brain had me fully convinced I was nothing but a burden to those around me. I stopped asking my friends to hang out as I was fully convinced they hated me.

I never made the first move. I simply waited for others to message me first, which rarely happened.

When I would hang out with friends (which rarely happened), I would always make an excuse to leave early because I was afraid they'd get sick of me after a few hours.

To this day, I still view myself as a burden to others.

Even though I'm reassured I'm loved almost every day, I fully believe everyone would be happier if I was dead.

I couldn't even ask a friend for an extra scantron without going into fight-or-flight mode.

People with mental illness rarely reach out to others. If you already feel like a burden for existing, why would you ask for something like emotional availability?

We typically will just bear the burden in secret as we don't want to give anyone a reason to leave us.

We live in a world where it's only socially acceptable to respond to, "How are you?" with "I'm good, how are you?"

I've had a few people that I thought were family leave my life simply because I confided in them that I was struggling. I can't go through that again.

If you have someone in your life who has a mental illness, more than likely you'll have to reach out first.

It may not make sense to you, but to someone with a mental illness, simply reaching out to a friend feels like running a marathon in August with ankle weights.

To anyone who's ever reached out to me first to see how I'm doing: thank you. I love you.

Knowing someone cares enough to check on us out of the blue means more to us than you'll ever know.

Report this Content
Featured

Rap Songs With A Deeper Meaning

Rap is more than the F-bomb and a beat. Read what artists like Fetty, Schoolboy Q, Drake, and 2Pac can teach you.

20117
Rap artist delivers performance on stage
Photo by Chase Fade on Unsplash

On the surface, rap songs may carry a surface perception of negativity. However, exploring their lyrics reveals profound hidden depth.Despite occasional profanity, it's crucial to look beyond it. Rap transcends mere wordplay; these 25 song lyrics impart valuable life lessons, offering insights that extend beyond the conventional perception of rap music.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

Maybe don't try them all in one day...

1083
21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

My 21st birthday is finally almost here. In honor of finally turning 21, I thought I'd share 21 fun drinks since it's finally legal for me to drink them.

Some of these drinks are basic, but some of them are a little more interesting. I thought they all looked pretty good and worth trying, so choose your favorites to enjoy at your big birthday bash!

Keep Reading...Show less
Politics

Ancient Roman Kings: 7 Leaders of Early Rome

The names and dates of the reigns of the first four kings, as well as the alternation of Sabin and Latin names, are more legendary than historical. The last three kings, of Etruscan origin, have an existence which seems less uncertain.

2922
inside ancient roman building
Photo by Chad Greiter on Unsplash

It is evident that all this is only a legend although archeology shows us little by little that these kings if they did not exist as the ancient history, describes them, have at least in the very Outlines were real as chief of a shepherd’s tribe. The period when kings ruled Rome could estimate at 245 years.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Love Lost

Being the girl that is falling for the boy is never easy.

3538
Love Lost
Pexels

You constantly text my phone telling me that you want to see me and hang out, even though we may not have sex we cuddle and that’s intimacy in its own. I’m tired of buying you food and being there for you like a girlfriend when you consistently tell me you aren't ready for a girlfriend. I am constantly feeling I’m getting slapped in the face because I’m doing all these things and getting nothing in return. Every day I feel myself liking you more which is just crazy because why would I even waste my time liking someone there isn’t a future with. I just want you to be honest with me and with yourself, tell me how you feel from your heart, stop just saying you aren’t ready. You are wasting time telling me you aren’t ready because while you are “getting ready” some guy somewhere else is telling me that he likes me and thinks I’m beautiful and wants to date me. I’m not asking for much, but I at least want exclusivity because you ask me for all these things but in return you give me nothing.

Keep Reading...Show less
Pretty Little Liars

From reading the books in eighth grade to watching the television show all throughout high school, "Pretty Little Liars"basically defined my teenage existence. I was completely and totally obsessed on all accounts. However, even though I loved the fact that the books and the show are starkly different, there are simply just some ways in which the books are much better. Let's take a look:

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments