In the world we live in today, it's extremely easy to get caught up in chaos and negativity, leaving how we approach our relationships with others to go of seemingly less importance than I believe it should. As humans, we are social creatures. We desire connection and warmth from other people, but, with the way the world has turned lately, it seems harder and harder to really understand how to connect with other people.
One of the biggest lessons that I am just beginning to learn is how to value my efforts at empathy above sympathy. While the words seem the same and carry similar literary flourish, they have vastly different applications. You see, the act of sympathizing with something or someone is to feel pity in place of that situation or person when they undergo a challenging time; But, the act of empathizing carries a deeper feeling. To have empathy about a person or situation, we have to physically remove ourselves from a the pleasant easygoing place in life we may be in, remind ourselves of a time in life we were in a darker place, and allow ourselves to feel that emptiness or sadness with the person going through something at the present moment.
In this way, empathy is a lot more complicated than sympathy. Your parents, teachers and mentors have probably told you from childhood that we have to envision ourselves in someone else's shoes to really understand what they're going through. And even then, we can never truly understand and all the words in the world will fall short in the realm of advice, but this is a way to really support and show care for someone that sympathy does not give the opportunity for. In essence, sympathy is a reminder that those bad times exist, but it is not an effort of active understanding and listening. Whereas, empathy is the act of pushing yourself down to a level of stress, sadness, grief, or even anger that the person you are trying to be there for is experiencing.
It's totally normal for this to not seem like an easy feat. I used to believe that empathy was something you are born with, but not something that could really be hammered home. Now, I believe after watching the people I've known for years mature, that through self-reflection and generally educating, that every person is capable of exhibiting empathetic qualities. It just takes practice.
Empathy has become really important to me in college. I left a home with four parents and five younger siblings to live in a dorm room with one person. The change of pace of life in general was challenging to overcome. I felt alone, unsafe, and unable to trust any newcomers around me when I first arrived at Mississippi State. But for some un-Earthly reason, the girls I care about most at Mississippi State took a chance on me. They approached me with open arms and practiced the things described above about empathy. They pulled themselves away from the fun and newness of college to help me get out of the mindset I was in.
My goal since then has been to do the same for other people. Truly, I have noticed a difference in the value I place on trust and friendship due to actively practicing empathy. I've noticed how my friends trust me more and that trust goes both ways. I've noticed how I can fall asleep and wake up knowing that someone has my back even if it means I may disrupt their happiness for a moment in time. And most importantly, I've noticed that the more I give pieces of my heart and attention to other people, the more I receive in return. The people around me, even the people I don't know all that well, are beautiful. Each person deserves the support and love that goes hand in hand with empathy.
