Emojis have become a language in this digital age. Almost everybody uses them but I found emojis could mean so many things. So, I have devised a system to help differentiate them and help us understand them. Trust me, kids, show this article to your grandma. There may have to be a class on this in the future. Moving past that scary thought, let's talk emojis.
1. The Kissy Face (aka The Tease Emoji)
This one could mean a couple of things:
You are getting some tonight. However, one can't go jumping for joy the moment they see this appear on their phone.
A kind thank you.
A simplistic flirting gesture. You know, when she sends you a text that says, "I can't wait to see you" and she puts this emoji right after it. Your heart starts fluttering and you think, "Finally, this is my moment." You go to your closet and put on your best outfit. An outfit that would make your mother happy until she realizes why you are wearing it so you tell her that you are going to your best friends birthday party. Hoping that lie should cover your ass. You arrive at her place. You take a deep breath and you knock on her door. Her dad answers and says, "Oh, you must be my daughters gay best friend. Come on in." You find this a little odd but it doesn't quite crush your soul until she reveals that she thinks you're gay and was excited to discuss her crush on Chad. Convoluted and long explanation aside, that's why this is a big tease and should be monitored carefully. So I simply call this one, "The Tease Emoji."
2. The Face Screaming in Fear (aka The Home Alone Emoji)
This one usually means something went wrong. But nothing too wrong. If you are sending this emoji to discuss a recent tractor accident then you are a sick individual. Don't send emojis for serious situations. Use them responsibly. This usually means I accidentally burnt my Hot Pocket and the kitchen smells like hell, or my dog just chewed out my Dre Beats. It stuff that sucks, but nothing all that serious. I call this one, "The Home Alone Emoji."
3. The Pile of Poo (aka The Chocolate Ice Cream Emoji)
It's "The Chocolate Ice Cream Emoji" and nothing else at all.
4. The Smiling Face with Halo (aka The Fallen Angel Emoji)
OK, this is the one people use when they are trying to be cute. Like, "I didn't eat all your brownies." B****, I know you did. I saw you! I was up for a promotion and I was gonna give my boss those brownies. You know he likes peanut butter brownies. Phil brought in Reese's Ice Cream Cake and I brought in nothing. Phil got the promotion and I am stuck in my cubicle. Don't be cute. I'm sorry, I got carried away. I call this one, "The Fallen Angel Emoji."
