The average age range for someone in college is 18 to 24 years old. While most people consider this as young adulthood, the psychology field has actually decided that this is the "emerging adulthood" period. Young adulthood actually refers to those who are between the ages of 20 and 40, and while we fit the age criteria, emerging adulthood actually fits us better. For example, an article on the American Psychological Association page by Christopher Munsey gives the following five features of emerging adulthood.
1. Age of identity exploration.
Young people are deciding who they are and what they want out of work, school, and love.
2. Age of instability.
The post-high school years are marked by repeated residence changes, as young people either go to college or live with friends or a romantic partner. For most, frequent moves end as families and careers are established in the 30s.
3. Age of self focus.
Freed of the parent -- and society -- directed routine of school, young people try to decide what they want to do, where they want to go, and who they want to be with-- before those choice get limited by the constraints of marriage, children, and a career.
4. Age of feeling in between.
Many emerging adults say they are taking responsibility for themselves, but still do not completely feel like an adult.
5. Age of possibilities.
Optimism reigns. Most emerging adults believe they have good chances of living "better than their parents did," even if their parents are divorced, they believe they'll find a lifelong soul mate.
Now, I know personally, after reading these I can heavily identify with most if not all of the aspects of "emerging adulthood." In particular, number four really stuck out to me. One thing that I often find myself thinking, and often hear other emerging adults say is that they do not completely feel like an adult. In they eyes of the law, at 18 we become adults, but when do we start feeling like one? What does it take to make someone feel like an adult? A home? A child? A marriage? If that's what it takes, I don't think I will be feeling very adult-like anytime soon. Being caught in this between age can be very frustrating. While it is an age of exploration and possibilities, being in this age range often means that we are still held back due to the fact that not many people see us as adult enough to do certain things.
Being away at college makes you feel almost invincible. You're on your own, you make your own choices and make your own friends. You feel like a real grown up. But then when you go home for the summer or for a break, you realize that you are still just a little baby in your parent's eyes, sometimes. It almost seems like you are only an adult to your parents when it's convenient. For example, you need money for gas, your cell phone bill, or another necessity? Well, you have a job; you pay for that yourself. And don't get me wrong. I am not complaining about this. It is my responsibility to pay for the gas I use in my car, and pay for the cell phone that I use, and if I'm really running low, my parents always spot me.
Having responsibility not only makes you more careful with your own income, but it reminds you that you are on your way to adulthood, and these are things you have to handle on your own. However, what about those times when you ask to go somewhere or do something that you know your parents won't necessarily be fond of? You may be an adult, but you're still their baby and they are going to say no.
For example, I am 20 years old and have been allowed to travel without the company of my parents, live on my own (kinda -- in my dorm) without my parents, pay for things I want, and make decisions on my own, but when I get home, I still have to ask my parents for permission to leave the house. After all, they are paying for the car. I just happen to drive it. But, anyway, having to tell someone that you can't do something because your parents say no -- after two years of college -- is still embarrassing and frustrating. But if you really think about it, if your parents are telling you no, there's a good chance that you really shouldn't be doing it anyway. To shamelessly refer to a previous article of mine, "your mom is always right". No matter how much fun it would have been, or how bad you wanted to go to that certain place or event, your parents have your best interest at heart and are just looking out for your safety.
With this being said, while these emerging adulthood years can be very frustrating and confusing, it is a time to explore. Don't hold back. These years where you're stuck between being your parent's little girl/boy and being a full blown adult are meant for you. You don't have a career or family of your own to think about yet -- you can go on that trip. You can drain your bank account for that new tattoo or camera. You should fall in love -- more than once. Nothing is permanent (not even that tattoo you got).
Take the time to sit down and really think about what you want out of your future and go for it, but don't dwell on the things that you can't do or can't change. This is a time when you can be selfish. Make yourself happy before you make others happy.
