I want to be honest with you for a second. To anyone that asked me in the past few months how my life has been lately and if it's everything I could've wanted and more. If I told you it's been good and maybe, it's been everything and more I could've wanted.

I lied. And I'm so sorry.

Because my life has been great actually and it has been everything and more I could've wanted. But I wouldn't have been able to tell you that a year or even six months ago. During times where there was so much change in my life, both mentally and emotionally, I told myself if one more thing came crashing down on me, I wouldn't be able to take it.

If you know me, you know how much I hate change. I always hated the idea of not knowing what my life is going to be like and where it's going to take me. I was that person that used to have her whole life planned out when I was little. From going to college, then grad school, my career, all the way down to the names of the kids I wanted to have one day, first and middle.

But, life has a funny way of not working out like that. We're not just supposed to follow a map to all of our destinations that tell us when and how we get there. Life is not a straight road with clear skies and balmy weather. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I've gone through some pretty shitty weather. But if I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten to where I am now and be able to see the rainbow once the clouds opened and the rain stopped pouring.

So, here's to change and all of life's obstacles that come creeping up to us, take the rug and pull it right from under our feet.

To my mom who moved out to live with her now fiance an hour away from me. Who I've lived with for the last twenty-three years, I've never seen you so happy and in love. You deserve this. I'm sorry for being so selfish and not accepting of it in the beginning. But if it wasn't for you doing that I wouldn't be the independent and secure person I am now. Sure, I miss nights reading or binge-watching Netflix shows on the couch or going for long drives around town to the beach with takeout and a Taylor Swift cd always ready in the glove compartment. But every time I get to see you I know I'll cherish them more now.

To the grad schools that rejected me, I had a hard time coming to terms with that. Always being used to achieving great things, working my butt off in college to a point where mental breakdowns were just routine. But if it wasn't for you doing that I wouldn't have chosen the grad school I'm at now. Where I finally feel like my writing is going somewhere and the friends I've made will last forever.

To my depression, I struggled to come to terms with you. You crept up on me until I went for help. I felt your hold on me all of last summer. Looking back at the pictures I took makes me cringe because I know the last thing I felt was happy. But I've learned not to let you control me anymore. And even though you still come into my life and bring me back down sometimes, I will never again be like before. Because I see more light than darkness now.

To my friends, whether we've been close for years or just started getting back in touch, I'm sorry. I took you all for granted when I used to rely on one person for so long. Thinking if I didn't see them all the time I'd go crazy. So I canceled plans with you instead and it's the biggest regret I still carry with me. But I'm so thankful to still have you and others in my life now. Because I forgot how good it felt to talk about our lives at a restaurant over appetizers, on our second or third drink at the bar on a Friday night or driving down the highway in Providence blasting Cher with the windows rolled down. I don't know what I deserved to have friends like you.

And finally, to the boy who hurt me, I've cried about you while talking to my friends and mom and wrote about you many times. To be honest, I'm sick of talking about you. And as hard as it's been to erase you from my mind, I'm slowly losing the memories we shared. As the days go by you start to fade away. There was a time where all I could picture was a future with you. But I like the person who's brought me tulips just because and took me to a bookstore for a date because I told him I get lost in books and he listened. Because I deserve to be happy, something you couldn't give me.

See, the future is supposed to be scary. But if we had our lives planned out from the moment we entered this world to the day we exit, would we be as happy?

No, because we need those tough times. The mistakes, bad moments and rough patches. Because without them, we would never feel like life is truly worth living.

So, keep going, and don't worry or look back.