Well, here we are, it's 4:30 am on a Sunday morning, and when the rest of the world is still enjoying the spell of sleep, I am anything but induced by sleep. Is it anger, frustration, the loneliness of the empty spot next to me, or something else? I look out my window, holding a cup of coffee--can't sleep anyway-- donning his Fox sweatshirt, leggings, wool socks, and leg warmers--hair in a mess of a sleepless night, I notice I'm not the only one who's up doing whatever it is we do to elude sleep. So what is it that we are doing on a Sunday morning? I can only speculate why lights are illuminating windows at this ungodly hour. Instead of trying to come up with the story for why a light is on and a steaming cup of coffee is in hand for others (because who could possibly know, it's not our story for why it's on), I will explain mine!
After a sleepless night and constant worry of where he is tonight, and what life he is saving, I am sitting at my desk, unable to rest. So why not do something productive? Laying in bed seems pointless at this point. Instead, I have a cup of coffee in hand, music on, phone next to me waiting for it to illuminate to know where he is and what is going on, and wearing what else but his Fox sweatshirt and trying to do something productive. Most people are still in bed (lucky them!); I am sitting at my computer writing, and will continue the morning reading The Oresteia. Wouldn't my professor be happy? It's 4:30 am and I am reading a Greek mythology play about the great Agamemnon and the war of Troy. (No it's not insomnia material! It is really something of beauty!)
Sleep on nights like this seems to elude me from worrying about the safety of my superhero and missing him. How can I not worry? I watch him leave for work and wonder if he'll make it home that night. Even if the chances of something happening are slim, the chances and slim odds of getting the call that something has happened scares me. How can it not? In his line of work, one always worries about it. He's been at work approaching twenty four hours, and wont be off until noon today. Talk about no sleep. Maybe I shouldn't sit here and speculate the endless reasons for my own not being able to sleep. Everyone has a reason that they elude sleep. It feels way too early in the term for this to start. Yet, here I am, at 430 am, writing an article about my lack of being able to sleep, out of the frustration of not being able to sleep. For having a void in the place next to me. For the fear of getting a call that something that has happened. For the anger that pulses in my blood for other issues that hide in the whispering shadows of the early morning dew of the sleeping earth. For the fact that I have a dream and plans that I will share with one person and I should have been able to share it with others, but simply at this point cannot.
Whatever your reason is that you are eluding sleep on this Sunday morning, let's raise our cups of coffee, tea, or whatever your hot beverage choice is, and conquer the day.
