"America runs on Dunkin'." It’s a fact of life that we love our coffee. It’s delicious, stimulating and all-around amazing. You can have it hot or cold, sweet or bitter, light or dark, jazzed up with three pumps of caramel, soy milk, whipped cream and a turbo shot or just black. Many of us cannot go through the morning without it. However, at what point is it a problem? Here are eleven warning signs that you may enjoy your coffee just a little too much:
1. You can’t remember the last time you ordered anything but a large coffee.
Anything less than 32 ounces is just a waste of time.
2. You structure your day around being able to stop for coffee at least twice.
When planning errands, you think it’s worth it to drive to the supermarket that’s 15 minutes further away just because it has an in-store Starbucks.
3. You have legitimate withdrawal symptoms when you miss your daily dose.
Headaches, fatigue, irritability, nausea, trouble concentrating ... Did you stop taking heroine or caffeine?
4. When you stop going to Starbucks because you are disappointed that the largest cup they have is only 20 ounces.
Yes, Stabucks coffee tastes good, but what good is that if the venti size is a mere thimble? At least Dunkin' Donuts and 7/11 are respectable enough to offer you a quarter of a gallon of joe at a time.
5. You’re the only person whom your local diner has refused to offer refills.
Most diners will just leave the pitcher on the table and let you help yourself. But these family businesses have slim margins as it is. They can’t go losing all their profit to you on free refills.
6. The guy behind the counter at Dunkin' already knows your order.
You go to an extremely busy Dunkin' Donuts where the staff is always busy serving dozens of people at a time. However, you go there so frequently that the dude at the cash register can’t help but recognize your face and remember that you get a large dark roast with three milks every single day.
7. You get way too excited when you earn a free cup of coffee on the Dunkin' app.
Getting the alert that you have earned enough points to get a free coffee of any size evokes an excitement that others would think more appropriate for if you won the lottery or found out that you’re having a child. It doesn’t matter that, in reality, you had to spend like $30 to get that one free cup. Free coffee is free coffee.
8. When someone accidentally knocked your fresh cup of coffee off the table and you actually started to cry a little.
Why is the world so cruel? Why?!?!?!?!?!?
9. The Starbucks barista can actually spell your name correctly.
You frequent the Starbucks line enough that the staff has given you the greatest reward they could think of: caring enough to bother asking you how your name is correctly spelled. No, it’s not “Katey.” It’s not “Catie.” It is most certainly not “Kaytee.” It’s “Katie.”
10. Your Keurig is the most used appliance in your kitchen.
You’d be able to carry on if the toaster, microwave, dishwasher and refrigerator all broke at the same time. As long as there’s running water and enough K-Cups to keep your beloved coffee machine running, you’re content.
11. You accept the 12 daily visits to the bathroom as a part of life.
They don’t say caffeine is a diuretic for nothing. The 64 ounces of liquid you consumed in the last two hours probably has something to do with it, too.
