In all my 23 years I thought I had a good grasp about what it meant to be the oldest of my two siblings. Ya know, being responsible, setting a good example for them, and all that good stuff. And after all this time I have to admit I've gotten pretty good at it. (Like I could probably write a book about how to be the oldest sibling… like for real), but still in my search to find some meaning to this role I stumbled across Lisette Schuitemaker's 2016 book entitled The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Firstborn Women—Like Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Sandberg, JK Rowling, and Beyoncé—Harness Their Strengths.
Uniquely titled (I know y'all saw Bey's name in that title!), the book got me thinking that I may be part of a special group of people whose eldest sibling role may have helped them achieve their incredible success. But there was something special about this group of people (okay yes, Oprah is in the group but that's not what I'm talking about): they're all women. Schuitemaker's research on sibling relations led her to conclusions about the oldest daughter of each family. Yep, that's right—there's something special about you if you are either the oldest or only daughter in your family, according to Schuitemaker. In her book, she uncovers five major qualities of these firstborn women: responsible, dutiful, thoughtful, expeditious, and caring.
Overall, the book validated a lot of my own sentiments about success, failure, and caring for others. It also got me thinking about how I've perceived this oldest daughter role of mine. At first, it was burdening, then confusing (cuz one minute I'm telling my sisters what to do, then I'm helping them do something they shouldn't do), then accepted. But all my life I've worked for the role, and maybe haven't let the role work for me. To all the oldest daughters, we have a unique skill set that we need to use to get the things we want! That bossiness we're sometimes shamed for? Let it drive you in your career. In Shuitemaker's book, she talks about oldest daughters taking more risks and putting themselves out there.
Being the eldest daughter can be rewarding, and I think a lot of us oldest daughters can agree on that. We care for our siblings truly in a way that only we can. Our role has an effect on them, but it has a great effect on us as well. It does shape who we are, and we can use it to our advantage.
Are you the oldest daughter looking for a little extra meaning? Check out The Eldest Daughter Effect!
https://www.amazon.com/Eldest-Daughter-Effect-Sandberg-Strengths-ebook/dp/B078SW9LBW
