I remember the wooden crib and the plain ceiling. I remember it was cold.

My parents told me there was row after row after row of cribs and the room I was brought out to was like a 1950s high school: old and sparse walls. There was a cabinet on the wall with toys locked inside. The orphanage workers brought me out from the crib room and I was put on an old orange couch.

I was in an orange, floral jumpsuit with one of the buttons missing resulting in a shoulder strap falling down. I did not have a diaper on because of the poverty stricken community, and when I went to the bathroom, I was stripped down and hosed off. The workers asked my parents if they wanted to feed me and gave them a makeshift glass bottle. They had cut the thumb of a rubber glove and punched a pinhole in the end of it then attached it to the glass bottle with a rubber band. That was my bottle. The bottle contained a watery mixture and I ravenously drank it and wanted more, but there was no more.

There were three older, large workers there who looked like the stereotypical Russian babushka, “grandmother.” They did the best they could and genuinely cared about the kids, but there were three workers for 50 babies and ignorance and inability to care for all the children. Micro syphilis, small head, was my medical diagnosis and presumed I was premature; all of which are results of poor prenatal care and suggested alcohol use.

At eight months, I resembled a three-month-old. I had no muscle tone, so when I was picked up, I flopped around. I had a bald spot on the back of the head from where I had been laying my back all day. When I entered the states, I was treated for scabies and parasites.

When I left that orphanage, I left with nothing: no memento, no letter, no picture and not even clothes on my back. When I left that orphanage, I left with only a name.

The amount of ignorance surrounding adoption is consequential to the lack of education among those who are unfamiliar with adoption. It is important to have something explained by an expert with life experience. I am in no way an expert on adoption, but being adopted, I consider myself knowledgeable on the subject.

There are two connotations connected to an adoptee: either the adoptee is a “normal” child or the adoptee has “too many problems” and is abandoned, again. Both ideas are wrong; especially for those who were institutionalized. Both ideas can also be reinvented through education on institutionalized orphan's experience along with trauma of abandonment.

Many prospective parents in adoption do not realize their soon-to-be child is coming with baggage from the amount of trauma; even abandonment from the birth mother is traumatic because separation of the family unit is a result of sin.

Adoptive parents usually are not prepared to deal with the hurt child and are astonished to find a hurt child behaving badly. Instead of looking to the adoption agency or the state for help, some adoptive parents decide to do anything to get the child out of their house, including private rehoming.

Rehoming is usually associated with black-market adoptions and is not illegal; although it should be because it is trafficking a child. Through the online forums, strangers have a quick, easy, and semi-legal way to acquire children and if questioned, they can show their "Temporary Guardianship Agreement Form," which transfers guardianship, signed by the parents and a witness, proving their legality.

I believe educating prospective parents on adoption and children’s behavior after trauma is necessary, but is rarely done. I also believe it is important for those who are adopted or have adopted to educate others around them. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but only harms the adoptee when they are transferred from home to home after being adopted and creates more trauma especially if the child is rehomed into an unhealthy situation.

These kids are not something that can be thrown away; they are humans with hopes, and dreams, and worthy of love. God gave me the chance to live, a luxury many children do not get, and I refuse to take this mercy lightly. I will fight for the rights of orphans and bring awareness to adoption until the day I die. I encourage you to do the same with the things you are passionate about; you have that passion for a reason -- use it!