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I'm Recovering From An Eating Disorder, And These 10 Things Trigger Me In Ways You'd Never Imagine

Recovery isn't easy — even the most "normal" things can make you spiral.

Brittany Morgan

Sep 05, 2020

National Writers Society

1990

I'm Recovering From An Eating Disorder, And These 10 Things Trigger Me In Ways You'd Never Imagine

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It's time to be completely and unabashedly real for a second — yes, I'm still struggling with an eating disorder and yes, there are triggers that probably seem like small things to someone who isn't struggling with this. I have days where I eat like I don't have an eating disorder, but those days are what I've termed "the really good days."

Quite honestly, most days I'm still just hoping that I can eat enough so that my body doesn't feel worn out or over-exhausted from not having enough calories. It's been quite the challenge, and some days, I fall short. But, I do the best I can in those moments to remind myself that healing is a journey, and not all journeys look the same or line up with everyone else's in the same way. It's really, really challenging, but I'm doing the best I can to try to remind myself to be a little bit kinder to myself.

With that being said, though, here is a list of 10 things that trigger my eating disorder and lead to not-so-great days with food.

1. Fast food

The high number of calories in fast food items (displayed brightly on the menu) make this my number one trigger when it comes to things that can set off my eating disorder.

2. The scale

Or, more specifically, beginning to obsess over the number on the scale. That one is going to take quite a bit of work to be able to break.

3. The phrase "thin-spiration"

If I hear that phrase one more time, I think my head will actually explode. Dealing with an eating disorder is hard enough without having your biggest fear of not being societally "thin enough" shoved in your face.

4. Cute bras that only fit smaller chest sizes

OK, so maybe this one is just a pet peeve in general, but women over a certain cup and band size deserve to have cute bras, too! The fact that cute bras in bigger sizes are hard to find just fuels my "I have to be thinner to be prettier" side of my brain — I rationally know this is far from true and a super unhealthy way to think, but it doesn't make it easier.

5. "Safe" foods

This one might be super specific to how I developed an eating disorder — there are foods that are super low in calorie and fat content that I consider "safe" foods to eat. By that I mean that I don't get horrible food guilt from eating them. I realize rationally that having foods that are "safe" foods probably does more harm than good because that instills in me the idea that there is good and bad food. I realize that there's just food, neither good or bad, but this is just another mindset that needs to be changed.

6. Junk food

Along with the "safe" foods that don't give me horrible guilt about calorie counts, junk food is a big trigger for me in terms of my eating disorder. I'm not at the place in my recovery where I'm super comfortable eating junk food, but I hope that one day I'll be able to eat a candy bar without internally panicking at the calorie count.

7. Weight-loss commercials on TV

I'm already struggling with trying to accept and love myself exactly as I am — these commercials just make that process that much harder.

8. The dieting aisles at grocery stores

When I was in deep with my eating disorder, I would skip meals and use dieting nutrition bars as meal substitutes. Thatis super unhealthy, and I would never recommend anyone ever try that. That's one lesson I've learned the hard way.

9. Bikini season

Need I say more?

10. Celebrities pushing "get thin quick" gimmicks

Here's looking at you, appetite suppressant lollipops.

If you need help recovering from an eating disorder, please call the National Eating Disorder Association at 800-931-2237.

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Recommended for you

I'm Recovering From An Eating Disorder, And These 10 Things Trigger Me In Ways You'd Never Imagine

Recovery isn't easy — even the most "normal" things can make you spiral.

1. Fast food

2. The scale

3. The phrase "thin-spiration"

4. Cute bras that only fit smaller chest sizes

5. "Safe" foods

6. Junk food

7. Weight-loss commercials on TV

8. The dieting aisles at grocery stores

9. Bikini season

10. Celebrities pushing "get thin quick" gimmicks

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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