Once upon a time, you were the strong wind that lifted my kite to new heights. You were the big fluffy cloud that granted me cover from the sun’s harsh rays. You were the grass-coated rolling hills that I could lie on for hours without a worry in the world. I wish I could pinpoint the moment in which that began to change.

Wait. I’m not even sure there was a particular moment.

Part of me knew that we were doomed from the start, and yet another part of me believed that it wouldn’t hurt to give “us” a shot. You probably walked into “us” believing that remaining hopeful would keep us afloat. You probably thought I was too good for you, but that you were so lucky to have me. You probably planned to cherish “us” for as long as you could. I walked hesitantly into “us” knowing that there was a rather high probability that I’d make you regret me.

Maybe my pessimism caused “us” to sink.

Maybe your optimism flew “us” too close to the sun.

You rushed into “us” without too much thought. I gave it too much thought. I spent several eternal minutes deliberating over whether or not to accept your proposition. I guess that makes it my fault then, doesn’t it? I could have said no. Or could I? We were practically strangers. Talking nonstop for five days on the Internet does not make a steady foundation. I could just have blocked you right then and there. Forgotten about the whole ordeal. I’d only told two friends about you. Nobody else knew you existed. Erasing you from my life would have been so easy. Just a few taps on my phone’s dim screen would have done it. A small voice in my head wouldn’t stop whispering, coaxing, giggling.

“Why not see where this takes us?”

It was around 1:00 A.M. when I agreed to try “us." You and I clicked. Yeah, we found we had a lot in common. No, you and I would never have worked long-term.

I showed you compassion. I showed you respect. I could never understand what you’d gone through in life, nor did I ever want to. I constantly reminded you that I had faith in you and that you could count on me for anything. Isn’t that an unspoken universal constant among friends? It’s not like I promised you anything special. You acted like I was offering to bring down the moon for you when all I was doing was pledging my support for you. I didn’t really like that. You must have gone through a lot to think that such a simple gesture was so grand.

I still can’t figure out which was worse. That I’d backed a Kickstarter project that was in shambles and taking anything it could get or the fact that it bothered me how happy I made you in the first place. When you returned the gestures, you probably expected me to be as grateful to you as you were to me. I’m sorry, but not sorry, that I usually responded with the peace sign emoji when you thanked me sincerely. I wasn’t feeling it. I expected you to support me. Were you not expecting for our relationship to be symbiotic? Why did you glorify decent human behavior?

I still can’t understand you. I probably never will.

I doubt you’ll ever understand me either. I don’t want you to understand me.

The things we had in common were all hobbies and games and material things like that. I thought our personalities couldn’t have been more different. I don’t know how I thought, even for a second, that we wouldn’t clash at some point. It wasn't until later that I realized that we were more alike than not.

You were cold but soft, and you were willing to subtly harm others to protect yourself.

I was warm but sharp, ready to put others through pain to lessen emotional burdens.

You and I had trust issues, and yet we opened up to each other too easily despite our paranoia, and we kept so many secrets from each other.

You thought common courtesy could be equated to a high honor.

I "fall in love" with anyone that shows me any niceties.

We were both masterful liars.

I hate people like you and me.