So the pregame has begun, and you're feeling pretty good.
Relaxed and ready to party. You're not even really feeling anything yet.
... Until you stand up.
Oh, god. Oh, no.
You go to the bathroom, and it's like you've never done it before.
And then on your way out, you catch your reflection in the mirror.
Faded.
When you come out, your friend wants to introduce you to someone, so you have to hastily compose yourself.
But it's only a matter of time before you start getting way too friendly with this person you literally just met.
OMG HAHA YOU'RE SO FUNNY LIKE WE ARE SERIOUSLY BEST FRIENDS also I forgot your name already.
And then you're making and agreeing to elaborate plans for the next day that will most likely never happen.
Of course I'll run a 5k with you! 6:00 a.m.? That's not even early! Let's make it 5!
You get to the bar, and suddenly, you're throwing money around like you're in a rap music video and not living on a budget of $10 a week.
And going on Instagram makes your thumb cramp up.
Double taps for everyone. You all look great. Even you, girl who called me chubby in seventh grade. Even you.
You start to get real weird on the dance floor.
You keep telling your friends how much you love them. Over and over.
They don't care. They just want you to stop talking.
Soon they cut you off, claiming you've had enough. Which is just offensive, really.
God guys, I'm fine. You're just a bunch of fun-suckers. Also, I'm gonna need someone to help me stand up.
Finally, the Uber comes to bring you home.
And it's almost as good as riding a unicorn in space. Almost.
