The amount of new music being released these days is just astounding -- you kids and your iPads are really something. And you know what else your demographic enjoys (or so I’m told)? Partying! I thought I could save you the trouble of developing you something as ridiculously overhyped as an app by starting a column called “Musical Pairs” to help align your choices of beverages and tunes.

Well, turns out there’s an app. And I missed it by about four years.

It’s called Drinkify, and it’s pretty spiffy, I’ll admit. Some of today’s hottest artists come up with some interesting results, including:

“The Tame Impala”

• 1 bottle Microbrew
• 1 bottle Lemon juice
• 1 bottle Sipsmith Gin
• Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

Sounds nice, it’s true. However, sometimes, it’s clear that Drinkify just has no idea what it’s doing. Let’s take modern day favorites Young Thug and Justin Beavers for example.

“The Young T.H.U.G.”

• 1 bottle Sipsmith Gin
• Serve neat. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

First off, it’s obvious that Drinkify has failed to accurately identify the artist in question: I’m not even sure what T.H.U.G. would stand for. Secondly, I’m pretty sure Young Thug mentions that he hates pickled carrot sticks at some point during "The Barter 6," although I stopped paying attention after a while. But the worst is:

“The Justin Bieber” (WHAT)

• 8 oz. Red Bull
• Serve on the rocks.

They didn't even get his name right (it's Beavers). I don’t have any faith in this “Drinkify.” And, on top of the countless semantic inaccuracies, it’s simply for a fuller budget than that of the typical college student.

So, I’ve made my reviews, and you can decide for yourself whether you trust a robot, like Drinkify, or a real live human being, like me. I've kept your wallets, coinpurses, and lint-laden pockets in mind as well, making sure all of the pairings are as cost-effective as can be.

Also, my reviews are on somewhat new songs, not just artists, so that’s cool.

Vince Staples ft. Jhene Aiko - "Lemme Know"

This one’s been out for a few months, but recently reentered my personal rotation and has been quite the earworm lately. Get outta there, little guy! But anyway, the same basic urges that keep me listening to this hefty bassline on repeat out of what I can only describe as animal instinct also drive me to pair it with a nice, cold:

Keystone Light (on the rocks!)

A$AP Ferg ft. Future - "New Level"

2013’s "Trap Lord" album and 2014’s "Ferg Forever" mixtape got months of airplay on my headphones, speakers, and in my brain just kind of in general. The second single off of Ferg’s upcoming release, "Always Strive and Prosper," has me way too excited. As always, when I get excited, I remember to temper the preexisting hype with responsible drinking, and enjoy a nice, cold:

Keystone Light (on the rocks!)

Mac DeMarco - "The Way You’d Love Her"

Good ol’ Mac. I know you readers out there don’t always want to flex in the club, and that’s what our friend Mac is for. This particular track, while filled with flighty guitar plucks and a happy-go-lucky kind of drive, really bares Mac’s soul as he contemplates losing the apple of his eye, a woman he would always love, but would never know just quite how to love. That’s real, Mac. That’s really real. As you let that sink in at about the 1:30 mark and try to distract yourself by zoning in on the forced happiness that the guitar solo seems to so lucidly project, remember that two drinks is probably enough, and that it’s probably time for a nice, cold:

glass of water (on the rocks!)

I'm Mitch Petersen - and I'll see you soon with more tunes.

Disclaimer: Drinkify is pretty amazing and I in no way wish to actually demean their product. Really, check it out if you have some free time. And, of course, please consume alcoholic beverages responsibly and only if you’re 21 or older.