Dr. Phil is probably the most emotionally intelligent human being on the planet. He is a no B.S., straight-talking problem solver - all while still having moments of hilarity and charm. On his show, The Dr. Phil Show, he frequently deals with extreme cases of addiction, child abuse, family disputes, and even murder. He is no stranger to exclusive interviews with celebrities, and even infamous criminals. Even though every situation brought to Dr. Phil is unique, die-hard fans still might know what he’s going to say before he says it. The man has a large rolodex of favorite phrases, or, Dr. Phil-isms, and one or two always find their way into an episode.
As strange as it may sound, I believe my life has been improved substantially just by watching The Dr. Phil Show. I’ve been a self-proclaimed Dr. Phil fangirl since the age of sixteen, meaning I have four straight years of Dr. Phil patronage under my belt. Although some of his classic catchphrases are more giggle-worthy than philosophical, such as “I didn't just come in on a turnip truck”, the following Dr. Phil-isms have truly influenced the way I treat myself and others.
We teach people how to treat us.
This Dr. Phil-ism can be a hard pill to swallow, but it is absolutely true. In every single one of your relationships, you set the guidelines for what behavior you tolerate. In high school, my two best friends frequently teased me, which eventually turned into full-on bullying. Because early-on I had allowed them to tease me, they learned that bullying me would have no consequences. Sometimes in a relationship, we wonder why someone constantly treats us poorly. We must realize that if we allowed the behavior to go on without consequences, then we taught them that it was acceptable.
No matter how flat you make a pancake, it’s still got two sides.
I often find myself getting worked up over a friend’s story about someone who pissed them off or wronged them in some way. However, when I remember Dr. Phil’s words of wisdom, I take a step back from the situation. I try to imagine what parts of the story I may be missing because I’m only hearing my friend’s side, and I remind them that their perception may not be the absolute truth. Regardless of the situation, it is always important to hear both sides of a story.
The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a year is being in a bad relationship for a year and one day.
When someone is in a failing relationship, or an abusive relationship, one factor preventing them from leaving may be the shame of wasting the time they invested in it. It is embarrassing to give up on something put a lot of time into, especially if you were once so sure it was right for you. However, the only decision that will make you happy may be to just let it go. This Dr. Phil-ism can also apply to other long-term decisions, such as changing your college major or career path. Nothing can be done about the time that you have already put into something - but you can decide how to spend your time in the future.
When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.
We don’t always foresee the consequences our actions will have, but we still have to hold ourselves accountable. For example, if you choose to go to a party rather than study the night before your midterm, you have chosen the possibility that you grade will be negatively affected. You can’t pass blame onto others, or claim that your grade was hopeless to begin with if you truly didn’t make your best effort. At the end of the day, they only person who is accountable for your actions is you.
It's better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
Even though this may seem obvious to some, for many people, being single is a scary thing. The fear of being alone may prevent someone from leaving a toxic relationship. We have to remember that being “single” doesn’t make us any less valuable than we are if we are “taken”. Being mistreated or abused is certainly no better than being alone, especially if in being alone, you can discover your true happiness.
My dad used to tell me, “Boy, don’t ever miss a good chance to shut up.”
Not everyone has mastered the valuable skill of shutting up - and yes, it is a skill. Dr. Phil may remind you of this either if you are digging yourself into a hole, or because it’s time for you to listen rather than speak. Either way, it’s true that some moments are perfect for you to zip your lips.
Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear, and frustration.
It’s extremely easy to meet anger with anger, but it takes a bigger person to meet anger with understanding. When someone is yelling, or even screaming at you, it may be instinct to yell back - to get defensive. However, if you would describe someone in your life as being a particularly angry person, you shouldn’t write off their short temper as being a mean-spirited person. Often times, for those who aren’t capable of expressing their emotions well, anger is the manifestation of more vulnerable feelings, such as hurt and fear. Sometimes when someone expresses that they are angered by something, what they really mean is “I am afraid of what will happen now,” or “What you did hurt me”.
