I am a part of a Great Books program here at George Fox University. What that means is that twice a week, myself along with a group of about 17 other students and two professors meet in the Pennington House on campus and discuss a Great Book for two hours and 40 minutes. As a freshman in the program, I have not yet completed a full year of readings, yet it has already taught me much.

Each member of the program talks about their own personal journey through the texts in different ways. Some have shared dramatic stories of radical changes that have occurred in their beliefs as a result of the challenges that the readings presented them. Others have not explicitly shared stories, but have demonstrated extensive maturation of their character after only one semester of readings. I, on the other hand, noticed recently that I am not so sure I have experienced much, if any, actual growth in myself as a person or shifting of my beliefs. A few readings from this semester stuck out to me, yes. I remember reading "The Pentateuch." My perspective on the personality of God definitely shifted as a result of that. Reading "The Odyssey" was a profound experience for me because of how strongly I felt I related to the themes of journeying and wandering at that point in my life. I also enjoyed reading "Plato" and discovering how radical some of his ideas on societal organization were.

While writing this, I decided to flip through the pages of my journal in an attempt to recall more of the things which perplexed me throughout the readings of last semester. I realized with sadness that there really wasn't much else to add to that list of impacting readings. In all this, I think to myself, how much have I really changed and grown because of these difficult concepts? I have not changed on the deep level that some of my friends have. Why? I have read the same books. I have desired change. I have awaited change. Perhaps the answer is that I should be actively seeking it. I've been doing the readings and participating in the discussions, but more is required of me if my desire is to experience a transformation of myself.

Because of this, I have decided to seek doubt.

Yes, I just said that I want to doubt. I have been conditioned throughout my life to see doubt as an inherently bad thing. To doubt is to be faithless, "to hesitate to believe," to distrust. Aren't those bad things? Aren't we supposed to have unwavering faith in our beliefs as well as in those we love? I say no. In the words of Ronald Reagan, "trust but verify." I trust in my beliefs, but the times in which I have doubted them and sought resolution were far more fruitful in strengthening myself than the times where I've simply accepted a statement as truth without questioning it. There are so many instances in which doubt can be a beautiful thing.

To doubt the claims of a writer is to compose a better essay. To doubt the amount of money you were given in change at the store is to verify that you got your money back. To doubt a presidential candidate is to make important decisions for the future of the nation. To doubt your major or career choice is to ensure that you don't waste time on something that will not be fulfilling.

Expressing doubt at the beginning of a relationship was perhaps one of the best things I ever did. As my boyfriend and I approach our second anniversary, I am thankful that I doubted him extensively in the beginning. It caused me to question him directly as well as to question myself internally about our relationship. It taught us to be open with each other, rather than to stuff down doubt for fear of upsetting one another by bringing it up. It showed us how to reassure each other and to be mindful of the implications of our actions, whether deliberate or accidental. Doubting my boyfriend in the beginning has made me significantly more confident in him now, no matter what is thrown our way.

As suggested in the opening portion of this article, doubt is also very important in regards to your own core beliefs. I am a Protestant Christian. I believe God created everything in 6 "days" (whatever that means when time wasn't even a thing at first). I believe in the miracles of the Old Testament and the New. I believe in the death and resurrection of the divine Son of God, Jesus Christ. And I agree with all of what I thought Paul said about how to live my life. But as I've read various books of the Christian Bible as part of the Great Books program, I have realized that I have carried numerous misconceptions from my childhood into the rest of my life. Many things that were taught to me, or at least that I inferred, through lessons in Sunday School were either flat out wrong or, at the least, misguided. I learned that my God is portrayed as extremely angry and seemingly unforgiving in Exodus. I learned a different respect for God because I allowed myself to question His nature and His character.

It was this week, as we discussed our reading of the Gospel of Luke that I realized my failure in my own personal growth. While I haveallowed myself to doubt here and there, I have never sought it actively. I have never looked for the things that seem to punch holes in the basis of my beliefs, standards and morals. As I read more from the great thinkers in history, I should be asking myself every day what those ideas change or solidify in myself. I should be searching for reasons to doubt so that I can resolve the issues with satisfaction, so that I can know with certainty that the beliefs I do hold have been tested with fire and have resisted the flame.

So, I've decided, doubt is beautiful. It is a good friend of mine. It is my ally in learning and growing.

I intend to seek doubt as the path to discovering truth.

You can read "The Odyssey" for free here.

You can read Plato's "Republic" for free here.