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What You DON'T Say To A Friend Who Is Hurting

Unfortunately, we've all been in this situation. No one wants to watch their friend suffer, but what do you say?

deckeremi

Sep 17, 2018

Michigan State University

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Being a young adult comes with SO many challenges; we are faced with existing and new challenges every day. They are unavoidable. What is worse is watching your friends face their struggles and having NO idea what to say. Even worse, saying the wrong things. Take it from a girl who has been through a few struggles here and there; there really is a wrong thing to say.

1. "I understand"

You most certainly can relate with their problems; relating is a whole different thing. Understanding their problems? Now that is a different story. Hearing the words "I understand" followed with a far-fetched story about how your brother's friend's sister once went through something similar is not what they want to hear. Everyone's problems and challenges are their own. When you are going through your own personal struggles, they are just that. Personal. Those challenges are theirs to understand, not yours.

2. "It's going to be okay"

You don't know that, so once again you can't say this either. You can say something more along the lines of, "Not every day will be this hard." Hearing that everything will be okay doesn't bring comfort. When you are facing something that seems nearly impossible to make it through, thinking that it will all be okay is nothing but a fantasy.

3. "Just try not to think about it"

How can they not think about it?! Your friend's struggles could feel endless and so overwhelming. Saying this to distract them is almost a joke. This statement should be avoided at all costs. By all means, distract your friends though. Be there for them. Try to change their focus with your actions and not with this meaningless phrase.

4. "Other people have much worse problems"

Now this one just gets under my skin. I am tense just writing this phrase. Just, no. No, no, no. While this is true, it is far from what they want to hear. It only makes them feel pathetic for even having their own struggles. No one deserves for their hurt and hardships to not be taken seriously.

5. "Life isn't fair"

We all know this. We live this mantra every single day. It doesn't need to be repeated or even spoken out loud, ever. Just trust me on this one.

6. "Just cheer up!"

Ah, another favorite of mine. If they could "just cheer up" they would. Believe me. This is another great example of how you can show them instead of tell them. Attempt to cheer them up. Take them out to get their favorite shake. Invite them on a run (endorphins are freaking amazing for you). Anything to show you care.

The best advice I have to give is this; put yourself in their shoes. Would the words you are saying benefit you? Are they what you would want to hear? If the answer is no, then it is probably best to keep those words to yourself. Be there for your friends. They need it. Show them with your actions and not just meaningless phrases.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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What You DON'T Say To A Friend Who Is Hurting

Unfortunately, we've all been in this situation. No one wants to watch their friend suffer, but what do you say?

1. "I understand"

2. "It's going to be okay"

3. "Just try not to think about it"

4. "Other people have much worse problems"

5. "Life isn't fair"

6. "Just cheer up!"

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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